Flyover Preschool

We have often heard the term flyover state, something that refers to the members of our United States sandwiched between the coastlines. But what is a flyover preschool?

I’m hoping that this isn’t how you view your child’s time spent in daycare. You want to want a safe place for your child to train for the school years ahead and I agree; these are the formative years, the time between you going back to work and your child going to school. It can be so much more that just a flyover. It is more than just time spent only as a precursor to better years ahead. It should be a time better spent when your child can learn to play, learn to socialize, learn to learn.

Those moments from the first day you return to work, you are faced with the dilemma of questioning yourself: did you make the right choice? I would be willing to wager that many urbanmamas visiting this site have not been in daycare when they were young, Yet, here you are, looking for care for the very child you probably have lost sleep over since the day s/he entered your life. Yet, here you are, looking for the type of care that affords you the time to go to work and for your child, the experience of social and educational growth.

It is referred to as nurture shock by authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their new book by the same title. They suggests that the feelings you have once you bring your youngster home, the feeling of "what have I/we done?" or better "they let me bring this home?" is completely natural. What now? is more like it. And once we ask that question, we begin looking for answers that may or may not be there. Bronson and Merryman don't think that many of the sources of wisdom we draw on on are the right ones.

There are plenty of other books and guides out there. Hollywood mommies, doctors who look at children and still others that look at parents, all write hoping to offer the magic elixir of parenthood between the covers of their books. While Bronson and Merryman look at the effects of praise and punishment (one leads to discouragement, the other induces lies) and how children develop a sense of race and future academic achievement, you are left with the decision of what to do with this precious bundle you are in charge of for the next eighteen or more years.

And as a result, we become anxious. Robin Marantz Henig, writing for the New York Times Magazine does not equate anxiousness with fear. She believes that "fear is something right in front of you, a real an objective danger". Anxiousness instead leaps forward, imagining something that might not even be there. When you begin looking for daycare, you will entertain both of these emotions at different times. And that's a good thing.

You are anxious about the kind of care a provider will offer. You are fearful and look for tell tale signs of danger as you interview for the spot. You are anxious, worrying about something in the far-off future will be a direct result of this very decision. And this is all part of parenting. You can rest assured that you are doing what any parent would do - although second born children can tell you that these emotions temper somewhat with each successive kid.

So how can I help? The kind of care I offer gives you some relief from this anxiousness. With an in-home, close knit group like the one I have, your child, almost immediately finds the kind of social immersion I provide educationally stimulating. They tend to blossom and grow in exciting new ways. I am focused on nurturing this growth with activities that have been developed over the twenty-two years I have been doing this. I relish my contribution not only to your child's well-being, but to yours as well.

I believe that if you feel good about where your child is, you will feel less anxious and as a result, be a better co-worker and after a day at the office, a better parent. Modern life offers enough challenges; it does not need to do the same with your child. They need the ability to be kids for just a little longer, learning while playing, interacting and socializing with a group that soon become friends.

I have one opening as we head into the fall. And I would be willing to spend some time with you dashing those anxious fears aside, letting you know that your decision is the right one and that you can relax (as much as any working mom or dad can) and contribute to the career you have chosen. Knowing that your child will be safe and in a enriching environment is for your benefit as well as your child's.

I have an opening for a child age 1-4, full time only. If you would like more information, contact me by email (funtastic_daycare@yahoo.com) of visit the site for more information about what we do: FuntasticDaycare.com

The Daycare Go-around

This post frst appeared on Urbanmamas

I have posted here numerous times about a wide variety of topics. I have offered you a look at what my specialties are, how you should approach the economic decisions surrounding daycare for your child, the hopes and dreams we have and the anxieties we face making that all important decision on where to begin your child's preschool days.

What you feel when you search for the best place to put child, perhaps for the first time might have something to do with your Americanism. Alexis deTocqueville called it our "restless temper", the feeling that the next landing place, whether it be job or house or even church, might be better than the one we have now. We believe in new as the better option; what Juliet Schor, an economist calls fast-fashion.

While I could use this post to talk about this disposable lifestyle we have been nurtured on, new this replace the still relatively new that, I'll instead speak to what I am doing to change that go-around your brain must be on as you search for daycare. Just as fast-food led to slow food movement, a return to finding nourishing instead of simply filling our bellies with whatever might be convenient, fast-parenting, the need to expose your child to everything as soon as possible will lead to slow-parenting, a return to letting your child be a child again.

More than simply hoping some talent will emerge as we plan our child's future, the brain function needed to get to that point is nurtured through these initial years of social interaction, learning while playing and staying with a small, family oriented environment. Your child should be given this opportunity to grow at a pace that is often not in anyone's control. Does your child surprise you at times with what they have done? This is them showing you that they are free thinkers, individually designed to grow at a rate of their own making.

This is why slow is best. Given the chance, each child will have the opportunity to develop at their own pace. This is also an opportunity for you to accustom yourself to slowing down yourself. This stick-to-it for longer than your think is necessary now will give you excellent training for those school years ahead. Watching your child grow up is never easy, yet each new surprise offers rewards that far exceed what you might expect.

I offer all of the safeguards many of the daycares posted here do. In addition, I also offer your child the patience to learn who they are, grow from the experience and become the child you envisioned they would be: sharp, inquisitive and adept in social settings.

If you would like to learn more about this kind of opportunity, please visit my site or drop me a note about the one opening I have left.
Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

Anxiety Tolerance

This post first appeared on Urbanmamas

I would be willing to wager that many urbanmamas visiting this site have not been in daycare when they were young, Yet, here you are, looking for care for the very child you probably have lost sleep over since the day s/he entered your life. Yet, here you are, looking for the type of care that affords you the time to go to work and for your child, the experience of social and educational growth.

It is referred to as nurture shock by authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their new book by the same title. They suggests that the feelings you have once you bring your youngster home, the feeling of "what have I/we done?" or better "they let me bring this home?" is completely natural. What now? is more like it. And once we ask that question, we begin looking for answers that may or may not be there. Bronson and Merryman don't think that many of the sources of wisdom we draw on on are the right ones.

There are plenty of other books and guides out there. Hollywood mommies (Jenny McCarthy, really?), doctors who look at children and still others that look at parents all write hoping to offer the magic elixir of parenthood between the covers of their books. While Bronson and Merryman look at the effects of praise and punishment (one leads to discouragement, the other induces lies) and how children develop a sense of race and future academic achievement, you are left with the decision of what to do with this precious bundle you are in charge of for the next eighteen or more years.

And as a result, we become anxious. Robin Marantz Henig, writing for the New York Times Magazine does not equate anxiousness with fear. She believes that "fear is something right in front of you, a real an objective danger". Anxiousness instead leaps forward, imagining something that might not even be there. When you begin looking for daycare, you will entertain both of these emotions at different times. And that's a good thing.

You are anxious about the kind of care a provider will offer. You are fearful and look for tell tale signs of danger as you interview for the spot. You are anxious, worrying about something in the far-off future will be a direct result of this very decision. And this is all part of parenting. You can rest assured that you are doing what any parent would do - although second born children can tell you that these emotions temper somewhat with each successive kid.

So how can I help? The kind of care I offer gives you some relief from this anxiousness. With an in-home, close knit group like the one I have, your child, almost immediately finds the kind of social immersion I provide educationally stimulating. They tend to blossom and grow in exciting new ways. I am focused on nurturing this growth with activities that have been developed over the twenty-two years I have been doing this. I relish my contribution not only to your child's well-being, but to yours as well.

I believe that if you feel good about where your child is, you will feel less anxious and as a result, be a better co-worker and after a day at the office, a better parent. Modern life offers enough challenges; it does not need to do the same with your child. They need the ability to be kids for just a little longer, learning while playing, interacting and socializing with a group that soon become friends.

I have one opening as we head into the fall. And I would be willing to spend some time with you dashing those anxious fears aside, letting you know that your decision is the right one and that you can relax (as much as any working mom or dad can) and contribute to the career you have chosen. Knowing that your child will be safe and in a enriching environment is for your benefit as well as your child's.


Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

A Genius in the Making

This blog post first appeared at UrbanMamas

A Genius in the Making

There isn't a single UrbanMama (or UrbanPapa) who doesn't gaze down into their child's eyes and see a genius. That sparkle, that twinkle, that infectious giggle surely is just a front for a brain that is working its way toward a great future. And you promise yourself you will do everything you can to get this wonderful child there.
But how?

Scientific American reported that you may be trying too hard. In an article that appeared several years back, they suggested that "Many people assume that superior intelligence or ability is a key to success. But more than three decades of research shows that an overemphasis on intellect or talent—and the implication that such traits are innate and fixed—leaves people vulnerable to failure, fearful of challenges and unmotivated to learn."
Motivating a youngster to learn is done through play, through art, through song and dance. It is done while they aren't paying attention to the process. It is done by allowing them to be, first and foremost, kids.

Kids who learn with a soft structure often learn about abilities and talents they didn't know they had. "Praising children’s innate abilities," SA suggests "reinforces this mind-set, which can also prevent young athletes or people in the workforce and even marriages from living up to their potential." Interaction with children younger is beneficial as well.

Of the two views of intelligence the magazine reported on, my program has always leaned toward the development of a "mastery-oriented" child, done by encouraging them to try new things. Simple things like working with clay, dancing, trying their hand at cooking, or something as simple as finding out what makes them laugh. We work in our organic garden, play in the snow, and sharing their show-and-tell. Rather than developing a "fixed mind-set” which leads to "[m]istakes [that] crack their self-confidence because they attribute errors to a lack of ability, which they feel powerless to change", I look towards flexibility.

Instead I like to offer your child a chance to develop the kind of intelligence that "is malleable". While offering what many of the other fine daycares listed here provide, I will take your child on a growing journey, allowing them to develop in a soft structured way that suits them best.

Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

What to do with $450

This post first appeared at Urbanmamas.com

The other day, as I perused one of the local free papers, I came across an ad for daycare. A new center had just opened and the fee for their services were $450 more than the tuition I charge. Ironically, they were offering many of the same things I was offering parents - except I offer a small family (no more than six children) in-home, (close to downtown in the NE) daycare situation and have been doing it for quite some time (over 22 years of caring for kids like yours).

The similarities are few: they have several openings (I have two) and they want girls (which would be great for my situation as well since I have one girl and three boys - although in the big scheme of things, this makes little difference at this age). The two spots I have open are both full time and with good reason: this is as much as school as the older kids attend, with scheduled activities and learning albeit in a soft structured setting. Full-time, just like big kid's school is as much to train your child as it is to train you.

The biggest difference between this "center" and me is the savings (the difference what I charge and what they charge) of $450 a month. Think how much college money that could provide in your child's 529 plan. Over the course of their time with me, that $450 saved dollars per month would take your family on several very nice vacations, buy hundreds of gallons of gas, thousands of pieces of fruit at the farmer's market, and tens of thousands of gallons of milk.

I encourage you to think about what you are getting in a daycare situation. Lots of money doesn't buy better care. Good care, such as what I provide is invaluable in the formation of your child, their well-being and their leap into school one day.
Check out my site and send me an email with any questions.

I look forward to hearing from you smart shoppers with smart kids.

Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare.com

My Specialty

Over the years, and there have been twenty-two of them, I have developed a specialty in this business. I offer all of the great characteristics you expect in a daycare (and I can certainly elaborate on many of those things when you make contact). But what I provide for your child is something very special - for a certain kind of family.

I specialize in single child families.

This is not to the exclusion of siblings. But over the years, I have found that the main reason families are attracted to what I provide is the atmosphere of family. Here, your child will find the siblings she or he does not have at home. Not only have I found this to be beneficial to the child; the parent, who may for reasons of choice have decided to have just one child or possibly economic reasons, will be comforted to know that the family your child needs is in my home.

The atmosphere is both nurturing and educational, tailored as much to the way your child progresses as it is to the curriculum.
If you are looking for a family environment for your child, we should discuss the possibilities that await you.

I currently have two openings, for a three year old and a four-five year old. (Even though I focus on the single child families, siblings are always welcome and these two openings offer a unique opportunity for the right family.)

Take a moment and look at the site, send me an email with questions and I will get back to you promptly.

Admittedly daycare is different than big boy/girl school. But you should take note that we do follow a September through June educational plan. And school starts next week!

Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

The Cost of Child Care

Lately, I have felt little or no effect of the current economic downturn. My parents are stable and have weathered the financial problems that have affected so many people just fine. Until a short while ago when I was faced with a sudden opening. And I almost had the spot filled when the economy swooped in a forced the family to back away from what they saw as an excellent opportunity for their child.

This got me to wondering how parents are budgeting daycare and what can be done to improve the situation. Donna Norton at MomsRising.org suggested that we support a bill traveling through the Senate that would increase the child care deduction to almost twice what it currently is.

This is an interesting topic. On one side we have those that feel as though taxes are already giving us quite enough (it is surprising that some of your readers would not like a tax deduction - the article didn't suggest a refund) and those like you that feel the government should help those less fortunate while helping those that can afford much more expensive and exclusive daycare situations. Those who commented seemed to be missing the issue, framing it as a tax issue rather than a quality care cost issue.

Can it be had both ways?

Possibly it already is. Those who earn more than poverty level wages are allowed a $1000 deduction per child as part of the Child Tax Credit. There is currently a bill in committee in the House looking to make this important credit indexed for inflation.

What price a child? Cold calculations can range from $170,000 on up to $350,000 per child. Should families look at these numbers decide not have children or should they treat them otherwise, as worthwhile expenses? While they are always as priceless as precious, they do have a cost attached.

Where the government should step in is to help providers lower their costs and improve their economic situation. Current government regulation put the cost of reimbursable meals at $1.92 (for breakfast, lunch and two snacks).

Often these providers are taking care of your children as the costs of care are rising and to fix that they must pass the cost of operating a safe environment for your child on to you. Insurance costs are among the most difficult to pass on and among the most difficult to avoid. Providers, the good ones at least, must be licensed (which may come with some improvements to what would normally be considered a safe-enough house) trained (on their own time after spending all day with your children) and certified (through inspections). All of these could be subsidized by the government relieving the economic pressures of the high cost of running a nurturing environment during these all important formative years.

Providing tax relief at the provider level would have a greater net effect on better care than offering similar tax deductions for parents who still must pay upfront.

This kind of tax break would have a twofold effect: the provider would be more willing to offer better care and you would pay less.

You can sign an online petition to help sponsor the Family Tax Relief Act of 2009.

How we play?

I have discussed in previous posts the necessity of play. More specifically, the need for recess. But do you, as parents engage in play. Not just with your children but as an act of fun?

Probably not. Could you benefit from this kind of activity? I believe so and what could happen is a trickle down effect to your children, how you approach their leisure time and how the two of you might interact as a more relaxed group.

Consider this video about the nature of play.

Peanuts for a Peanut Allergy?

It almost seems counterintuitive. With almost 3.3 million people suffering from allergic reactions when they eat or even come in contact with peanuts or tree nuts, almost two-thirds of whom are children, this type of allergy can prove deadly. In fact, last year there were 150 deaths caused by ingesting, either by mouth or through skin contact.

The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology Research believes they may have the answer to a peanut allergy: give them peanuts. The dose begins in many instances with one-thousandth of a peanut with gradually increasing amounts. The experiment lasted for over two years and was conducted among 33 children. Powdered forms of peanuts were sprinkled on the child's food (in other words, don't try this experiment at home on your tot) with six children receiving a placebo. (A placebo is how science determines the results of the experiment by administering fake doses with real ones.)

The study, conducted at Duke University and Arkansas Children’s Hospital in Little Rock, found that most of the children who received the powdered form of the peanuts, in gradually increasing doses suffered from no allergic reaction - five of the children did so well they dropped out of the study because of the significant increases in their tolerance for the nut.

Parents should know that there are still no concrete findings on why these children develop this allergy. According to the Cincinnati Center for Eosinophilic Disorders they have looked at numerous possibilities, ruling out a few along the way and being surprised by others. Worries over what a mother had eaten while pregnant were studied. The report concluded that "Notably, cord blood analysis revealed no detectable IgE to peanut indicating in utero exposure was not likely to account for the sensitization. Of further note, maternal dietary factors also had no correlation with peanut allergy. However, there was an association between the duration of breastfeeding and peanut allergy; the significance of this is unclear."

But on the other hand, the study revealed that "there was a strong and statistically significant association between consumption of soy milk or soy formula in the first two years of life and the development of peanut allergy. This consumption typically preceded development of peanut allergy. The association with soy protein exposure and peanut allergy could arise from cross sensitization through common episodes that may prime T cell responses."

Milk allergy was not associated with peanut allergy nor was the use of breast creams, often containing trace elements of peanut oil was also ruled out. But some creams for rashes also contain peanut oil and researchers found that the use of these types of creams was suspect in causing the allergy.

The mystery has yet to be solved. The peanut is actually not a true nut, but a member of the legume family, which includes peas, lentils, soybeans and lima beans. Having a peanut allergy doesn't necessarily mean a person will be allergic to other legumes or nuts because of the varying sensitivity level of the individual to the peanut protein found in different types of nuts and legumes.

So far, after-the-fact treatment of the allergy and avoiding the nut, or traces of the nut in the production of other products is still the best approach in prevention. But the results of this study is promising. But whatever you do, don't try any home treatments not recommended by your child's doctor. But rest assured, the answer to this childhood problem seems close.

Your Child's Break

My husband, who can spend vast amounts of time online conducting his multi-tentacled business endeavors often brings him through the house on what he calls "his union break". Although what he does is not dictated by any labor agreement, he grabs one of the most important things the labor movement has given us: the organized break. It doesn't amount to much - a cup of coffee, a brief moment in the sun, turning on the TV to check the direction of the markets or some banal talking head giving their opinion. It lasts for about twenty minutes or so and it is back to his upstairs office for another marathon session.

Your child needs the same type of break from learning his/her three Rs. We fondly call it recess.

Dr. Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist in Carmel Valley, Calif., has collected more than 6,000 “play histories” from human subjects. The founder of the National Institute for Play, he works with educators and legislators to promote the importance of preserving playtime in schools. He calls play “a fundamental biological process.” “From my viewpoint, it’s a major public health issue,” he said. “Teachers feel like they’re under huge pressures to get academic excellence to the exclusion of having much fun in the classroom. But playful learning leads to better academic success than the skills-and-drills approach.”

The best pre-schools recognize this as key to the refreshment of young minds. Idle creativity and improvised play are a huge part of your child's refreshment mechanism. And while we do work on numbers and reading and learning how to write (in the right direction), their young minds are often uncooperative. This is not a learning disability but a need for recess.

Now recess at school is different than downtime at home. While children should have a limited amount of TV time, finding educational programs (and watching them with your child) can constitute learning and if that is the case, they will need a break. This doesn't mean switching the channel to the cartoon network. It means turn the TV off and let the imagine, play with their inner brain and relax without programmed distractions. This wandering is not only healthful for them but in far to many instances, it should be practiced by you as well.

On a personal note, I received a phone call from my daughter-in-law the other day. She was calling to relay a message our grandchildren had spoke of. The television was off, the music was playing in the background and they were reading. The youngest commented: "Hey, this is just like Nana and Papa's house!" How much downtime is your house giving your child? How much are giving yourself?

PreSchool Parenting: Strict Parenting is Consistent Parenting

Amy Wang of the Oregonian posed this question: "Are you a strict parent?"  She is the assistant features editor at the Oregonian and mother herself of two young boys.  It is a difficult question with unpredictable results.

It is in our natures to project into the future.  The only problem is we are not so good at predicting into the distant future.  Near future maybe, but predicting what will happen years from now is not within our scope of skills.  No, Moms and Dads may have been born with eyes in the back of their heads (something that we claim is for watching our child when we aren't facing them but is more often used to question our judgement in hindsight) but their ability to determine which action will make their child a better citizen is simply not possible.

Instead, we should shoot for short-term results that builds gradually.  This is how discipline works.  We call it strict parenting for two reasons.  It lays the boundaries of tolerable behavior and allows you to enforce those rules because of the relationship: parent to child.  But what is strict and how does it affect the relationship?

Numerous studies point to the fact that strictness is actually a good way to build a stronger relationship with your child.  But first, consider your relationship with your parents.  Was it lenient and free flowing or were you forced to live under unreasonable guidelines such as curfews and regular bedtimes?  Did your mother seem more like your friend or someone who was authoritative yet approachable (unapproachable would be not so good to align with authoritative)?  

Whatever you relationship with your parents was, you will more than likely cherry pick some of the best qualities from their experience raising you, filter them and test them out your offspring. .  One of the best skills we possess is the ability to selectively mimic what we see as a good idea, when we acknowledge to ourselves, "this might work" and it doesn't much matter where we get it.  Your parents might not be a good template but if they are, draw on some of their best traits and adopt them.  Just remember, they didn't have much of a handbook to go on either

Strictness is more like consistency when it is done correctly.  You instruct a child on what you think is best and stand your ground.  You do not allow temper tantrums to sway you.  You do not allow comparisons to dissuade your decision (this will come later and make you feel like you are an inadequate parent) and do not let them see you flinch.  

This is also far from what would be considered by social scientists as authoritative rule where there is no leniency, no delicate balance that allows the child to make an argument that might make sense.  But keep in mind, this comes later after the child has found that their happiness and success is all that concerns you.  That their safety and health is really the reason you make them do the things they might not be so anxious to do. Preschoolers are just beginning to test those boundaries and rules and do not necessarily understand what you are trying to achieve.

Once the basis for such things as bedtimes and curfews is established though, structuring homework, dinnertimes and activities are taken for granted.  

I simply don't like the word strict.  I prefer consistent.  Consistent parents have taken the time to decide what is best and are willing to carry through, consistently.  They have tapped their inner "I know what's best" gene and are listening to it.  And at the same time, they are listening to their child and adapting as time moves on.  Consistency is more a state of general well-being, a familiarity with what to expect.  

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines: Fomites and Kindergarten

I am graduating several kids from my pre-school this year to kindergarten. This is as big a move for the parents as it is for the kids. At one round-up, the gymnasium was filled with kids being "watched" so the parents could tour the facility without their little student in tow. As one parent commented on the experience, "I was worried about our child catching a cold in your small group".

Catching a cold, it turns out, is a natural part of the childhood experience. There are, however guidelines to keeping your child safe and the children around them - although your best efforts will be thwarted by the parents who, because of work obligations or because they simply do not care about the group, will bring a child with a fever. But what about the running nose, the cold, the winter crud that makes your child feel listless, less alert and just plain crummy?

A study was done on infants with the flu, a potentially deadly complications for kids this young. The researchers found that if you simply sit in the run with the sick child, you will not get the infection. If you touch what the child touched or cuddled the sick child, you would. In other words, your child's health in in the hands - their hands, the other kids hands and t o some degree, your hands as well.

In a daycare or preschool situation, providers spend a good deal of time making sure that hands are clean, toys and other objects stay away from the face, and that those toys and objects are regularly cleaned. But your child is only here Monday through Friday and those nasty germs, viruses and related bacteria are everywhere.

The term pediatricians often use is shedding viruses. This can occur before the child shows symptoms, during the child's illness and even after the fact. Because you cannot keep every child home the entire winter - pediatricians also suggest that missing school is far worse than the overall effect of the illness - unless they are really sick, you should consider their advice.

Children should be fully immunized against pertussis (whooping cough) and measles, for example, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends an annual flu shot for all children from 6 months to 18 years old. A child with a fever (or is vomiting) is another matter entirely. You may be tempted to load your child up with ibuprofen and drop them off, hoping for the best. But your provider or teacher knows your child better in many cases, than you do. If you do something like this, you will probably get a call.

Dr. Caroline Breese Hall, a professor of pediatrics and medicine at the University of Rochester has said, “Taking one child out of the school who sits next to your child is going to do little when your child goes into the lunchroom and there are secretions all over the table. You cannot focus on one sick child because there’s a world of much cleverer microbes.”

Wash, wash your hands and do it again. And be sure to teach your child the same sanitation. It can only help.

Potty Training: The Tips that come from Experience

It is so easy to get caught-up in the education of your child.  You teach them how to speak and act socially, you set boundaries and parameters for behavior, and you believe that your child is special among children, smart, bright, beautiful.  You want them to rush through childhood as get to the top of the class before the rest of the children are even reading Suess.  You begin eyeballing career paths and the schools that will get them there. 

But your child has other ideas.   And so do the schools that cater to these types of parents.  Your child must be potty trained, they insist and they do so for good reason.  They do not want to touch your child.  

These institutes of higher learning don't really do more for your child than the best in-home daycare/preschool can provide (small groups with individual attention, learning at a pace that suits the child not the curriculum, and most importantly, the ability to play with different age groups - at this stage, even six months difference in ages can mean a world of interesting social discoveries) but parents get hung up on the social pressures of their own peer groups.  It is understandable and forgivable.

So the race begins to push your child to potty train.  And as I have mentioned, your child has other ideas.  This process is not cookie-cutter by any stretch of the imagination.  It requires a child who interested - "Mom, I want to be changed" or "Dad, what are you doing in there" to waking up dry after a night's sleep.  These magic moments signal a readiness that is not bounded by a specific age.  But rather a specific nature.

Once this interest begins, it is best to not get too excited that your diaper days are numbered.  Kids are fickle and can be encouraged.  But once this turns into a battlefield, you will have many more problems than successes.

In an in-home preschool/daycare situation, the peer pressure of watching older kids line-up after snack/lunch/nap can begin the process.  The in-home teacher can offer assistance in the process.  But the bottom line: if you are not committed to the effort, your child will lapse, falter and you will be discouraged.

Here's the tips:

Once your child shows the interest - the child, not you - be prepared to look for a bathroom in every store you visit, every event you attend, and every house you visit.  Knowing where these are saves time, stress and energy.  Be prepared to abandon your cart, your lunch, your seat in order to get the child to the restroom as soon as possible.  That's the out-of-doors advice.

At home, over a relaxing weekend, put your child on the toilet every twenty minutes or so.  Leave them with a book or a toy but give them their privacy - at least enough so they think they are alone.  Keep checking back every few minutes asking about their progress.  If it is not happening, it won't - just then.  The time frame is arbitrary.  You will know how long your child can stay dry and use that as a baseline for their bladder and bowel control.

Third tip: rewards work.  Small ones like stickers or piggy banks can be something that works - for a while. You know your child best. But give them something really rewarding - like a piece of candy when they go, two for wiping up afterwards, three for a successful number two event, and you will find the process evolving a little more quicker.

Fourth tip: praise, praise and more praise.  Heaping it on makes your child feel like the center of attention and this should be standard for even the smallest of accomplishments.  But when it comes to potty training, nothing can be more important.

Do you need an insert, a potty chair or other device to make the process easier?  I don't think so.  You can accomplish the same feat without one.  Those products are more for the pushy parents who wants their child going on their schedule.

Fifth tip: Your child will forget she/he has to go.  This can be a traumatic moment in the process of developing responsibility.  If they simply were playing and failed to estimate the distance to the bathroom, explain to them why they need to stop what they are doing and how important it is to go like a big girl or boy.  And let them change their own wet clothing.  Help but they need to know that you didn't have the accident - they did and changing soiled clothing is not your problem.  

Sound harsh? You are building independence of thinking and action and the consequences of not thinking and failing to act cannot be mitigated by your accommodating the process by reassuring that it is okay, accidents will happen, and "here, let me help you".

Sixth tip: Once out of diapers, they are OUT OF DIAPERS for good.  There is no going back.  No partial diapers for your convenience.  No overnight protection.  Pull-ups are okay.  But there should never be any straddling of the lines in this process.  This is why we wait for the right moment and not the one of your choosing.

Seventh tip:  Number one is easy; number two however can be quite different and take a good deal longer to accomplish.  Potty training can take a weekend to explain and several months to successfully complete the process.  Perhaps longer.  

Is there an optimum age to begin?  By three they should have expressed an interest.  If not, you can begin the conversation.  If you child is a dreamy sort, engrossed in his own world of play and imagination, the process might take some extra effort.  If your child is the analytical type, mature (not just articulate and smart) and focused, the process might be much easier.

Know your child.  Do they like to sneak off to have a bowel  movement in a private space?  Note the time of day and begin sitting them on the potty more frequently around that time.  If your child wakes up dry, get them on the pot right away and encourage them to do it there.

Your child's age does have a small role in the success of your potty training efforts but by and large, it will be their interest, your patience and consistency and the support of everyone the child has contact with (daycare, preschool, relatives) to make the whole process work.

Probably the harshest reality of the process is the amount of control your child has over when and how well they do.  In many instances, this a parent's first encounter with you as support for another human being with a mind of their own!

Good luck.

Kids and Sign Language

As you found out today, we have been working on American Sign Language. This is an important tool for kids to learn and because they have young minds, it is much easier for them to grasp basic commands.

So what is sign language?

Now is a good time to ask. According to the Linguistic Society of America, "During most of the 20th century, no one really knew. Not even Deaf people who used sign language in their daily lives knew what it was. Those who noticed that many thoughts are expressed differently in sign and in English assumed that sign was an ungrammatical form of English. Most Americans thought it was a way to express English words with signs—a substitute for speech. As the truth came to light in the second half of the 20th century, it surprised everyone."

Sign language is more than just a substitute for the acoustic version of speech that we are most familiar with, using instead a series of hand and body gestures along with facial expressions to convey the meaning of the "speaker's" intent. Wherever there are deaf people, sign languages develop. the substitute languages number in the hundreds with American Sign Language or ASL being the most recognized.

Juan Pablo Bonet is credited with the first formal instruction in sign language when he published the first manual on logopedia, a method to teach the deaf to communicate without words. His work first appeared in Madrid in 1620 titled Reducción de las letras y arte para enseñar a hablar a los mudos or "Reduction of letters and art for teaching mute people to speak". A century later, Charles-Michel de l'Épée formalized the alphabet and it has changed little since.

The question most hearing people first ask is: "Do the signs of American Sign Language (ASL) stand for English words?" the Linguistic Society offers this as way to explain: "A simple test is to find English words that have two different meanings. If ASL signs stand for English words, there would be a sign with the same two meanings as the English word. For example, the English word “right” has two meanings: one is the opposite of “wrong,” the other is the opposite of “left.” But there is no ASL sign with these two meanings. They are expressed by two different signs in ASL, just as they are expressed by two different words in French, Spanish, Russian, Japanese, and most other languages."

To help you work on this important language form with your child, who, when I first instructed them on the process found the act of making gestures great fun, I have added a few links here for you to work on as well. This helpful link is from Sprout

Another browser from the ASL shows in Quicktime clips a wide variety of words. In factthis ASL browser actually shows you almost the entire English language signed in video form.

If you have time with your child at a computer, Signing Time for Kids offers numerous games and instructions for both your child and you. Your child often finds the act of playing a game a useful form of instruction. Try this memory game

PreSchool Parenting: Make Mine Dirt

There is no doubt in my mind that you make every attempt to give your child as many advantages as humanly possible. You cook good food, bath them and make sure they get enough rest, engage them in activities to increase their brain power and instruct them on the social etiquette needed to help them grow into a good global citizen. But do you let them eat dirt?

Probably not. But what studies have discovered, a little dirt goes a long way in your efforts to grow a healthy child. Dirt!

According to Dr. Joel V. Weinstock, the director of gastroenterology and hepatology at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, your child's immune system “is like an unprogrammed computer. It needs instruction.” he doesn't discount the fact that efforts make the environment safe by cleaning up contaminated water and food have saved the lives of countless children, but, he also adds, these efforts have “also eliminated exposure to many organisms that are probably good for us.”

“Children raised in an ultraclean environment,” he added, “are not being exposed to organisms that help them develop appropriate immune regulatory circuits.”

The answer apparently is not just the dirt, but the worms who make the earth their habitat of choice. many places in the developed world have all but eliminated exposure to these creatures and the result is an increase in immune system disorders like multiple sclerosis, Type 1 diabetes, inflammatory bowel disease, asthma and allergies".

Dr. Ruebush, the “Why Dirt Is Good” author does not suggest we throw out the wash water but she does point out that “The typical human probably harbors some 90 trillion microbes. The very fact that you have so many microbes of so many different kinds is what keeps you healthy most of the time.”

Citing the overall health of children who grow up in a rural environment, exposed to dirt, animals and worms, Dr. David Elliott, a gastroenterologist and immunologist at the University of Iowa suggest we may be taking the whole cleanliness thing a bit too far. He suggests that “Children should be allowed to go barefoot in the dirt, play in the dirt, and not have to wash their hands when they come in to eat.”

Sure, we all practice post bathroom wash-ups and clean where we might, hands, tables, dishes. But a little grim can go a long way in helping your child grow up healthy - or at least healthier.

PreSchool Parenting: It's Chilly Outside

There is a general belief that no matter what, you should get your kids outside. If there is no rain falling in buckets, I tend to agree. But what is not fully realized is the effect that cold air can have on a child that already has a few breathing problems.

What is just coming to light is the way cold air interacts with airborne pollution. In the summer, we get clean air updates when goofy things like humidity or inversions take place, both the effect of air that fails to recirculate fast enough to get the bad stuff out and let the good stuff in. In the winter, something similar happens.

Ozone, according to Todd Miner, a meteorologist at Pennsylvania State University suggests that "higher temperatures combined with sunlight provide the conditions that promote ozone, which has well-known irritating effects on the respiratory tract." he is also quick to point out the inversions are not a summer-only occurrence. In fact, the different layers of air can trap pollutants close to the ground in many winter locales.

Dr. Stefan Worgall, chief of pediatric pulmonary, allergy and immunology at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center, said "some people, especially those with asthma and nasal allergies, can react to cold air with cold-air-induced rhinitis, characterized by a runny nose and congestion. In some people, he said, it can even trigger an asthma attack."

While it might appear that your child has an endless runny nose, the cause might be something that we used to consider healthy when we were kids. Dr Worgall adds that if your child is already suffering from asthma, the chances of a cold-air occurrence of rhinitis increases from a normal 5% of the time to 50%.

This is also a good time to teach your child to sneeze into the bend of their elbow. I reinforce this concept on a regular basis. Do you?

Pre-School Parenting: Biology, Behavior, and your Kid's Brain

Your child has changed. I understand that the whole of your kid is a work in progress. The changes I want to write about today have to do with the subtle, and often not-so-subtle changes that might catch you unaware. These are not growing changes of the kind that forces you back to the store for a new set of clothes, a larger car seat or even a top-of-the-head mark on the kitchen wall. These changes are happening inside your child’s skull.

The pre-fontal cortex of your child’s brain is not fully formed by age two, but the changes that this part of the brain is subjecting you to may seem as if it has taken a devilish turn. From birth, a pattern of sleep at night, don’t sleep at night has been almost a constant in your daily life and certainly high on your list of sleep-deprived complaints.

Some are fortunate to have a child that actually enjoys her/his sleep and wakes up on the “right side of the bed” everyday. But that is the subject of another blog post. Yet, the same part of the brain that gives you joy or something quite the opposite, will ultimately send a barrage of messages to your child that will, if it hasn’t already, caused you great alarm.

Suddenly your little angel, or as one father referred to his youngster the other day “my special little snowflake”, will alter behavior and become something totally alien. They will interrupt and erupt, cry suddenly, color on walls or throw whatever they have in their hand, eat, scream and otherwise shift gears at lightening speed. Life becomes impulsive. Control becomes wishful thinking.

You can blame biology. The density of those neurotransmitters is far lower than that of the average adult yet we expect a progression of growth in your child that coincides with height or weight. They are, for all intents and purposes, physically where they should be but not mentally where you might expect them to be all of the time. The key to solving this problem is growing your child’s self-possession.

In order for your child’s behavior to develop, quite literally by forcing the biology to bend in the right direction, some exercise is needed. I practice developing these kids here by using story time as a time in your pre-schooler’s day when they must listen to the words. Only on the most rare occasion do I share the pictures in the story during the first go through of a book. This absorption in the story, the eye contact and the subsequent quiz that follows some time later, all help your child’s focus on controlling their impulse to simply get up and play.

This sort of biological push now will help them when they enter school and are required, for example, to stop playing when recess ends. By age three, your child should not only be able to count objects, but to check the work of another child (or even you). This simple games of checking the counter help the child not only focus on getting it right the first time, but subjecting their attention to a fact checking.

Next time you take out the bread to make a sandwich, count the slices aloud. Ask your child to check your work. You need four oranges at the grocery store. Have them recount what you have chosen to make sure you got it correct.

Have you ever heard us sing about cleaning up? Do you have a bedtime song you and your child sing together while they get ready for bed? These are memory builders that force your child to do two things at once, focusing on the success of both.

Now I know what you are thinking. Are you or I supposed to be training our little charges with a future of multi-tasking? In a way, yes. We “walk and chew gum". We drive and listen to the radio, often singing with great gusto. I know none of you use a cell phone and drive but the idea of being able to focus your brain on numerous tasks at once is the result of how well your prefrontal cortex developed and because of this training, it now fires those messages of self-control to your everyday life.

These kinds of studies are still in their formation stages. Although scientists such as Jessica Fanning and Helen J. Neville at the University of Oregon have begun projects to help train parents, the programs still seem to over reach, taking the childhood out of childhood. Any of these tools for teaching, especially at this age should be integrated into a daily routine of interaction. There will be plenty of time for your child to fall into the classroom style of learning. But until then, make every opportunity to learn fun.

Asthma, Kids and the Daycare Setting

We all know what asthma is. The wheezing, the lack of breath, the seemingly sickliness that having an inhaler at a young age all contribute to the image that your child's problem is of your making. And perhaps it is. But in all likelihood, it isn't.

The odds are stacked against your child when it comes to asthma. Researcher Nicolaos C. Nicolaou, MD of England's University of Manchester has identified several variables contributing to the disease. Being male, testing positive for allergic sensitivity, having a mother with asthma, and having a mother who smoked during pregnancy all have been known to add to the child's problems with breathing. But what Dr, Nicolaou was not expecting was the effect of daycare on asthma.

With over 6.2 million children in the US suffering from the illness (according to the American Lung Association), the concerns about how this problem develops the more a country industrializes has had medical researchers in quandary. Why if, as we progress and become more prosperous to the risk of breathing problems actually increase? Turns out, it is your house and your attempts at creating the most sterile environment possible for your child.

Not that there is something inherently wrong with keeping a clean house - and you certainly don't want to change your ways simply because your child cannot breath - but your fastidious behavior has been found to be a contributor. Why? You have eliminated many of the germs and bacteria that children readily absorb and use as a defense against the problem.

Called the Hygiene Hypothesis, Dr Nicolaou discovered that putting your child in a daycare situation actually increases the chances of your child gaining control over the problem. The contact with other children often builds the immune system back to normal levels and may actually stem the root cause of the asthma. While exposure to other children works in this process, older siblings living with the asthmatic child do not have the same effect.

Nicolaou was quoted in a recent article o WebMD saying that: ""This is probably because the size of the exposure matters," Nicolaou says. "Being exposed to a lot of children very early appears to be more protective than being exposed to just a few." He added that the daycare solution is best for children who are genetically disposed to asthma.

Next: Is the medication we give them also a cause?

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines: What is Measles?

With the recent refusal of numerous parents to vaccinate their children, most based on the fear that these types of vaccines are a result in the increase in autistic children, measles has begun to rear its ugly (rash-y) head. This might be as dangerous a consequence as refusing to get the vaccine in the first place, a gamble that may have long-lasting effects and possibly even death waiting in the wings

What is measles?

According to the New York Department of Health, it is an "acute, highly contagious viral disease capable of producing epidemics." What is often unknown, is how many people have had the vaccination that prevents this disease from spreading. Because the disease is "usually considered a childhood disease, it can be contracted at any age. The majority of cases are now imported from other countries or linked to imported cases." But that is changing according to Mike Stobe of the Associated Press.

He writes: "Measles cases in the U.S. are at the highest level in more than a decade, with nearly half of those involving children whose parents rejected vaccination, health officials reported Thursday" of last week.

"The number of cases" he continues, "is still small, just 131, but that's only for the first seven months of the year. There were 42 cases for all of last year." It seems to be making its re-emergence via home schooled kids in particular.

The following information comes from the NY Department of Health and is extremely important when making the decision to or not to vaccinate:

"In the first stage, the individual may have a runny nose, cough and a slight fever. The eyes may become reddened and sensitive to light while the fever consistently rises each day. The second stage begins on the third to seventh day and consists of a temperature of 103-105 degrees Fahrenheit and a red blotchy rash lasting four to seven days. The rash usually begins on the face and then spreads over the entire body. Koplik spots (little white spots) may also appear on the gums and inside of the cheeks.

"How soon do symptoms appear?
"Symptoms usually appear in 10-12 days, although they may occur as early as seven or as late as 21 days after exposure.

"When and for how long is a person able to spread measles?
An individual is able to transmit measles from four days prior to and four days after rash onset.

"Does past infection make a person immune?
"Yes. Permanent immunity is acquired after contracting the disease.

"What is the treatment for measles?
"There is no specific treatment for measles.

"What are the complications associated with measles?
"Pneumonia occurs in up to six percent of reported cases and accounts for 60 percent of deaths attributed to measles. Encephalitis (inflammation of the brain) may also occur. Other complications include middle ear infection, diarrhea and convulsions. Measles is more severe in infants and adults.

"How can measles be prevented?
"Anyone born on or after January 1, 1957, who does not have a history of physician-diagnosed measles or serologic confirmation of measles immunity, should receive two doses of MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine for maximum protection. The first dose should be given at 12-15 months of age. The second dose should be given at four to six years of age (school entry) at the same time as the DTaP and polio booster doses. MMR vaccine is recommended for all measles vaccine doses to provide increased protection against all three vaccine-preventable diseases: measles, mumps and rubella. Measles immunization is required of all children enrolled in schools and pre-kindergarten programs. Since August 1, 1990, college students have also been required to demonstrate immunity against measles."

Kids and Disaster Planning

Could your pre-schooler be the key to how well you perform in a disaster situation? Possibly so. Amanda Ripley, author of "The Unthinkable: Who Survives and Disaster - and Why" (Crown) is a journalist with more than her share of disaster coverage. In her book, she was fascinated by the way survivors reacted when tragedy stuck and offers a few ideas on how you can help your reaction and that of your family. Surprisingly, your youngest child may help.

All good daycares and pre-schools practice how to evacuate during a fire. And while this may seem to be training for the adult providers, the experience provides a valuable lesson for the children as well. A properly executed evacuation can only come with practice, a repetitive behavior that gives the mind a mental map of not only where to go but how to get there.

According to Ms. Ripley, you brain works with pattern recongintion. This is way for your brain to access what has happened before and draw on that experience at the very time when you do not have the opportunity to think about what needs to be done. Simply using words will not suffice. The brain needs a map, a script to draw on in these kinds of situations. Fortunately, that is the easy part. The hard pard is making the map and denying your instincts, which may actually act against you.

The Importance of Gathering

While it is important to gather your child to you when a disaster strikes, the biggest problem facing the adults is the gathering reaction. Believing that retrieving valuable papers or pictures or even mundane things like jewelry or articles of clothing (surprisingly, grown-ups will grab the oddest things when disasters strike such as the story of the woman who needed to take the book she had been reading even as the 9/11 disaster was unfolding around her). In other words, moving quickly is learned through rehearsal and cannot be counted on as something you would do without thinking.

Follow the Leader

It is generally assumed that the leader will be the adult present at the time. Unfortunately, someone needs to grasp this role in order for the number of survivors to be highest. We tend to be agonizingly orderly, even polite when disaster strikes in a public place. But n the home, when moments count, we do some dumb things and this adds to the possibility that our plans will not get followed.

There are things you can do that will allow you to let the leadership role be assumed by even the youngest family member.
First, have fire drills. They may seem like an exercise that is better put off until tomorrow, but the more times you do it with your family, the better the chances are that they will all survive.

With the lights out, try and find your way to the nearest exit and escape. It is not as easy as it seems. Often we will confront obstacles that should be moved, doors that are not easily unlocked form the inside (where are the keys?), and what needs to go with you when you leave (fires might require a quick grab of important papers stored near an exit or, in the case of a natural disaster, an emergency back pack - a subject we will discuss in my next post).

Secondly: and ounce of prevention Put your child in charge of fire safety around the house. They will be reminders to things such as change the smoke detector battery on the first of the month if you give them the chore. It is a good way to teach them (and refresh what they have learned in pre-school about calendars) to follow a routine of good habits.

And lastly, give them the confidence to make the right decision You may be injured or feeling under the weather when a disaster strikes leaving the only clear-headed thinking to your toddler. The more confidence you give your child in which decision to make, the higher the likelihood the whole family will survive.

Do they know not to open a door if there is smoke seeping in around the cracks or the door knob is hot?
Do they know to exit the house without hesitation even passing up the opportunity to call 911?
Do they know how to crawl? (We practice that in our pre-school situation but are you prepared to re-enact this during a simulated drill once a month?)
Do they know how to stop, drop, and roll, which is another thing we talk about and practice once a month as part of our fire safety class here?
Is your escape route free of obstacles and have you designated a place outside for all of you to meet (a neighbor's house or on the corner)?

You may have less than three minutes to get to that place. Can your family do it? Have you practiced more than once?

It can save your life!