Flyover Preschool

We have often heard the term flyover state, something that refers to the members of our United States sandwiched between the coastlines. But what is a flyover preschool?

I’m hoping that this isn’t how you view your child’s time spent in daycare. You want to want a safe place for your child to train for the school years ahead and I agree; these are the formative years, the time between you going back to work and your child going to school. It can be so much more that just a flyover. It is more than just time spent only as a precursor to better years ahead. It should be a time better spent when your child can learn to play, learn to socialize, learn to learn.

Those moments from the first day you return to work, you are faced with the dilemma of questioning yourself: did you make the right choice? I would be willing to wager that many urbanmamas visiting this site have not been in daycare when they were young, Yet, here you are, looking for care for the very child you probably have lost sleep over since the day s/he entered your life. Yet, here you are, looking for the type of care that affords you the time to go to work and for your child, the experience of social and educational growth.

It is referred to as nurture shock by authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their new book by the same title. They suggests that the feelings you have once you bring your youngster home, the feeling of "what have I/we done?" or better "they let me bring this home?" is completely natural. What now? is more like it. And once we ask that question, we begin looking for answers that may or may not be there. Bronson and Merryman don't think that many of the sources of wisdom we draw on on are the right ones.

There are plenty of other books and guides out there. Hollywood mommies, doctors who look at children and still others that look at parents, all write hoping to offer the magic elixir of parenthood between the covers of their books. While Bronson and Merryman look at the effects of praise and punishment (one leads to discouragement, the other induces lies) and how children develop a sense of race and future academic achievement, you are left with the decision of what to do with this precious bundle you are in charge of for the next eighteen or more years.

And as a result, we become anxious. Robin Marantz Henig, writing for the New York Times Magazine does not equate anxiousness with fear. She believes that "fear is something right in front of you, a real an objective danger". Anxiousness instead leaps forward, imagining something that might not even be there. When you begin looking for daycare, you will entertain both of these emotions at different times. And that's a good thing.

You are anxious about the kind of care a provider will offer. You are fearful and look for tell tale signs of danger as you interview for the spot. You are anxious, worrying about something in the far-off future will be a direct result of this very decision. And this is all part of parenting. You can rest assured that you are doing what any parent would do - although second born children can tell you that these emotions temper somewhat with each successive kid.

So how can I help? The kind of care I offer gives you some relief from this anxiousness. With an in-home, close knit group like the one I have, your child, almost immediately finds the kind of social immersion I provide educationally stimulating. They tend to blossom and grow in exciting new ways. I am focused on nurturing this growth with activities that have been developed over the twenty-two years I have been doing this. I relish my contribution not only to your child's well-being, but to yours as well.

I believe that if you feel good about where your child is, you will feel less anxious and as a result, be a better co-worker and after a day at the office, a better parent. Modern life offers enough challenges; it does not need to do the same with your child. They need the ability to be kids for just a little longer, learning while playing, interacting and socializing with a group that soon become friends.

I have one opening as we head into the fall. And I would be willing to spend some time with you dashing those anxious fears aside, letting you know that your decision is the right one and that you can relax (as much as any working mom or dad can) and contribute to the career you have chosen. Knowing that your child will be safe and in a enriching environment is for your benefit as well as your child's.

I have an opening for a child age 1-4, full time only. If you would like more information, contact me by email (funtastic_daycare@yahoo.com) of visit the site for more information about what we do: FuntasticDaycare.com

PreSchool Parenting: Strict Parenting is Consistent Parenting

Amy Wang of the Oregonian posed this question: "Are you a strict parent?"  She is the assistant features editor at the Oregonian and mother herself of two young boys.  It is a difficult question with unpredictable results.

It is in our natures to project into the future.  The only problem is we are not so good at predicting into the distant future.  Near future maybe, but predicting what will happen years from now is not within our scope of skills.  No, Moms and Dads may have been born with eyes in the back of their heads (something that we claim is for watching our child when we aren't facing them but is more often used to question our judgement in hindsight) but their ability to determine which action will make their child a better citizen is simply not possible.

Instead, we should shoot for short-term results that builds gradually.  This is how discipline works.  We call it strict parenting for two reasons.  It lays the boundaries of tolerable behavior and allows you to enforce those rules because of the relationship: parent to child.  But what is strict and how does it affect the relationship?

Numerous studies point to the fact that strictness is actually a good way to build a stronger relationship with your child.  But first, consider your relationship with your parents.  Was it lenient and free flowing or were you forced to live under unreasonable guidelines such as curfews and regular bedtimes?  Did your mother seem more like your friend or someone who was authoritative yet approachable (unapproachable would be not so good to align with authoritative)?  

Whatever you relationship with your parents was, you will more than likely cherry pick some of the best qualities from their experience raising you, filter them and test them out your offspring. .  One of the best skills we possess is the ability to selectively mimic what we see as a good idea, when we acknowledge to ourselves, "this might work" and it doesn't much matter where we get it.  Your parents might not be a good template but if they are, draw on some of their best traits and adopt them.  Just remember, they didn't have much of a handbook to go on either

Strictness is more like consistency when it is done correctly.  You instruct a child on what you think is best and stand your ground.  You do not allow temper tantrums to sway you.  You do not allow comparisons to dissuade your decision (this will come later and make you feel like you are an inadequate parent) and do not let them see you flinch.  

This is also far from what would be considered by social scientists as authoritative rule where there is no leniency, no delicate balance that allows the child to make an argument that might make sense.  But keep in mind, this comes later after the child has found that their happiness and success is all that concerns you.  That their safety and health is really the reason you make them do the things they might not be so anxious to do. Preschoolers are just beginning to test those boundaries and rules and do not necessarily understand what you are trying to achieve.

Once the basis for such things as bedtimes and curfews is established though, structuring homework, dinnertimes and activities are taken for granted.  

I simply don't like the word strict.  I prefer consistent.  Consistent parents have taken the time to decide what is best and are willing to carry through, consistently.  They have tapped their inner "I know what's best" gene and are listening to it.  And at the same time, they are listening to their child and adapting as time moves on.  Consistency is more a state of general well-being, a familiarity with what to expect.  

Potty Training: The Tips that come from Experience

It is so easy to get caught-up in the education of your child.  You teach them how to speak and act socially, you set boundaries and parameters for behavior, and you believe that your child is special among children, smart, bright, beautiful.  You want them to rush through childhood as get to the top of the class before the rest of the children are even reading Suess.  You begin eyeballing career paths and the schools that will get them there. 

But your child has other ideas.   And so do the schools that cater to these types of parents.  Your child must be potty trained, they insist and they do so for good reason.  They do not want to touch your child.  

These institutes of higher learning don't really do more for your child than the best in-home daycare/preschool can provide (small groups with individual attention, learning at a pace that suits the child not the curriculum, and most importantly, the ability to play with different age groups - at this stage, even six months difference in ages can mean a world of interesting social discoveries) but parents get hung up on the social pressures of their own peer groups.  It is understandable and forgivable.

So the race begins to push your child to potty train.  And as I have mentioned, your child has other ideas.  This process is not cookie-cutter by any stretch of the imagination.  It requires a child who interested - "Mom, I want to be changed" or "Dad, what are you doing in there" to waking up dry after a night's sleep.  These magic moments signal a readiness that is not bounded by a specific age.  But rather a specific nature.

Once this interest begins, it is best to not get too excited that your diaper days are numbered.  Kids are fickle and can be encouraged.  But once this turns into a battlefield, you will have many more problems than successes.

In an in-home preschool/daycare situation, the peer pressure of watching older kids line-up after snack/lunch/nap can begin the process.  The in-home teacher can offer assistance in the process.  But the bottom line: if you are not committed to the effort, your child will lapse, falter and you will be discouraged.

Here's the tips:

Once your child shows the interest - the child, not you - be prepared to look for a bathroom in every store you visit, every event you attend, and every house you visit.  Knowing where these are saves time, stress and energy.  Be prepared to abandon your cart, your lunch, your seat in order to get the child to the restroom as soon as possible.  That's the out-of-doors advice.

At home, over a relaxing weekend, put your child on the toilet every twenty minutes or so.  Leave them with a book or a toy but give them their privacy - at least enough so they think they are alone.  Keep checking back every few minutes asking about their progress.  If it is not happening, it won't - just then.  The time frame is arbitrary.  You will know how long your child can stay dry and use that as a baseline for their bladder and bowel control.

Third tip: rewards work.  Small ones like stickers or piggy banks can be something that works - for a while. You know your child best. But give them something really rewarding - like a piece of candy when they go, two for wiping up afterwards, three for a successful number two event, and you will find the process evolving a little more quicker.

Fourth tip: praise, praise and more praise.  Heaping it on makes your child feel like the center of attention and this should be standard for even the smallest of accomplishments.  But when it comes to potty training, nothing can be more important.

Do you need an insert, a potty chair or other device to make the process easier?  I don't think so.  You can accomplish the same feat without one.  Those products are more for the pushy parents who wants their child going on their schedule.

Fifth tip: Your child will forget she/he has to go.  This can be a traumatic moment in the process of developing responsibility.  If they simply were playing and failed to estimate the distance to the bathroom, explain to them why they need to stop what they are doing and how important it is to go like a big girl or boy.  And let them change their own wet clothing.  Help but they need to know that you didn't have the accident - they did and changing soiled clothing is not your problem.  

Sound harsh? You are building independence of thinking and action and the consequences of not thinking and failing to act cannot be mitigated by your accommodating the process by reassuring that it is okay, accidents will happen, and "here, let me help you".

Sixth tip: Once out of diapers, they are OUT OF DIAPERS for good.  There is no going back.  No partial diapers for your convenience.  No overnight protection.  Pull-ups are okay.  But there should never be any straddling of the lines in this process.  This is why we wait for the right moment and not the one of your choosing.

Seventh tip:  Number one is easy; number two however can be quite different and take a good deal longer to accomplish.  Potty training can take a weekend to explain and several months to successfully complete the process.  Perhaps longer.  

Is there an optimum age to begin?  By three they should have expressed an interest.  If not, you can begin the conversation.  If you child is a dreamy sort, engrossed in his own world of play and imagination, the process might take some extra effort.  If your child is the analytical type, mature (not just articulate and smart) and focused, the process might be much easier.

Know your child.  Do they like to sneak off to have a bowel  movement in a private space?  Note the time of day and begin sitting them on the potty more frequently around that time.  If your child wakes up dry, get them on the pot right away and encourage them to do it there.

Your child's age does have a small role in the success of your potty training efforts but by and large, it will be their interest, your patience and consistency and the support of everyone the child has contact with (daycare, preschool, relatives) to make the whole process work.

Probably the harshest reality of the process is the amount of control your child has over when and how well they do.  In many instances, this a parent's first encounter with you as support for another human being with a mind of their own!

Good luck.

Kids and Bad Language - Seven More Words You can't say in Pre-school

I've raised four kids of my own and have, throughout the years, heard just about every shape of bad language. Only not when they were pre-school. This is largely a result of three factors, most of which are beyond our everyday control.

We work long hours, quite possibly longer than our parents did. Add in the time it takes to get to and from work, pre-school. grocery shopping, etc., etc. and a twenty four hour day quickly evaporates.

Secondly, with so little time to spend with our kids during the course of the normal workweek, we tend to turn to the media for help. And there are some excellent presentations available not only on television (another post at another time) and online (same with this topic) but what you choose may not be all of the media your child receives.

Lastly, we often know folks who expose their children to things we may not have dreamed of allowing our three- and four-year-old to and those kids talk. They explain the nuances of Indiana Jones or the Pirates of a Caribbean and re-enact numerous scenes. It may not make any difference whether your child has scene the actual movie, their interest is piqued and they will always seek more. It is one of those "taste of sugar" things. Once you have it...

I have seen an increase in certain language and words that seem key to these performances, most of which are intended for an age group (although they are equally marketed to this toddler set) that is much older, capable of understanding what those words mean and are able to grasp a parental conversation about the subject. Three is too young to understand the societal reaction of such talk and worse, the negative reflection that automatically shins right back on the parent.

Here are the words that I find most offensive, too telling (something strangers interpret to be a result of poor parental upbringing - and we know that is probably not true) and unacceptable in all group settings. It is just the time we live in.

No pre-school or daycare environment should permit their students or charges the following words: guns, swords (and any reference to weaponry), kill, hit (or any reference to physical violence), and completely to the flip side of the equation, kiss, marry, and sex.

Hey, it happens and most often when you least expect it. Bunch those words with the language that is generally out of acceptable social behavior (and this might mean trying not to laugh as four- and five-year-olds try out words like diarrhea or fart, the phonetic sounds of those which might make us chuckle. Doesn't make it right though.

According to some experts, the use of bad language is a cry for independence, a means to gain acceptance or as a way to gain attention. In most cases it is more of a way to show intellectual superiority (I know something that you don't).

Parents have got to be as firm as I am in the school situation if they expect their child to listen later when the topics become more serious. Watch the language you use, stay focused on the topic of what is acceptable and what isn't and reward good behavior every time.

Food for Learning: Allergies and the Hard Facts

A food allergy with a child usually focuses on one or two foods. But what are they? According to AHealthyMe, "Some bodies -- especially young ones -- react to certain foods as they would to dangerous intruders. Their immune systems unleash a barrage of chemicals against proteins in these foods, causing the misery known as an allergic reaction. If you or your spouse has ever suffered from a food allergy, there's a good chance your child will too. About 6 percent of children under age three and 2 percent of older kids have allergies of this kind."

Fortunately. most pre-school teachers are certified to handle emergencies - and if yours isn't, ask why. But often, allergic reactions can be confused with other symptoms and if ignored can become severe. Here are some important tips.

The Hard Facts:
Severe Food Allergies Can Be Life-Threatening

Allergy Alert:
Mild Symptoms Can Become More Severe

Initially mild symptoms that occur after ingesting a food allergen are not always a measure of mild severity. In fact, if not treated promptly, these symptoms can become more serious in a very short amount of time, and could lead to anaphylaxis. See The Hard Facts at left.

Following ingestion of a food allergen(s), a person with food allergies can experience a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis.

This can lead to:

• constricted airways in the lungs
• severe lowering of blood pressure and shock ("anaphylactic shock")
• suffocation by swelling of the throat

Each year in the U.S., it is estimated that anaphylaxis to food results in:

• 30,000 emergency room visits
• 2,000 hospitalizations
• 150 deaths

How to Order Print Copies of this Information:

Printed versions of this flyer is available from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition (CFSAN) by calling 1-888-SAFEFOOD or by sending an email request, including name address and phone number, to OCO2@cfsan.fda.gov.

For English request "CFS 26"; for Spanish request "CFS 26S".

This information is also available in PDF (473 KB) and Spanish PDF (565 KB).

Reference:

U.S. Food and Drug Administration: Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition, February 2007

Food for Learning: Your Kids and Carbs

The simple fact is: your kids need the energy that carbs provide and should consume about 50-60% of their calorie intact in carbs over the course of a day.

A harder fact to understand: not all carbohydrates are created equally. A good rule of thumb however in distinguishing between good carbs and bad carbs is accessibility, portability and cost. Generally the foods that are the easiest to consume on-the-go, cost the least and can be found in the "center-of-the-grocery-store" are the highest in carbs found from sugars.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Carbs comes as simple sugars and starches. Simple sugars, such as the kind found in fruits are often referred to as simple carbohydrates, easy to consume and absorb into the body. The complex carbohydrate, starch comes from the families of whole grains, breads, cereal, rice and starchy vegetables.

These complex carbs all have certain characteristics. They all are broken down more slowly in the body. Because there is more to break down in such foods as whole grains, the carbohydrates enter the body slower, and that means is easier for your body to regulate them.

Because complex carbs are often high in fiber, the child will have fewer tendencies to over eat. And last but surely not least, complex carbs are packed with other vitamins and minerals. In addition to fiber, whole grains contain more essential fatty acids, vitamin E, magnesium, and zinc than their processed equivalents. All of these reasons are equally good for adults as well and if you noticed from the first in this series on food and learning, it is how you shape your child’s eating habits by example that begins the good eating habit process.

Just as Kidshealth recommends, the best way to achieve fitness through food is to:

Eat a variety of foods, especially fruits and vegetables.

Drink water and milk most often.

Listen to the “fullness signals” your body is sending.

Be active.

Pre-school Parenting and Those Adorable Chubby Cheeks

In the second of five posts on this subject, we look at those chubby-cheeked children, who, may or may not be overweight – which as many of you already know, is the last step before obesity.

Over the three years that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention tracked, children ages 2-5 showed an increase in obesity, rising on average about 12%. Compared to 1980, those numbers are alarming.

Parents are increasingly dismissive when their pediatrician mentions the possibility that their child might be in the last several percentiles. (The medical profession use a body mass index to measure your child’s overall ranking as compared to other children of similar height and age, suggesting that those who are listed as above the 95th percentile are overweight.)

According to the CDC BMI or body mass index is defined as “a number calculated from a child’s weight and height. BMI is a reliable indicator of body fatness for most children and teens. BMI does not measure body fat directly, but research has shown that BMI correlates to direct measures of body fat, such as underwater weighing and dual energy x-ray absorptiometry (DXA). BMI can be considered an alternative for direct measures of body fat. Additionally, BMI is an inexpensive and easy-to-perform method of screening for weight categories that may lead to health problems.”

The site clarifies the measurement “For children and teens, BMI is age- and sex-specific and is often referred to as BMI-for-age.”
Here are some simple tips to guide you and your daycare provider in helping a child overcome this potential problem.

Stop! Offering your child alternative foods when they refuse to eat what you have given them sends the wrong signals.

Go! Let them eat or not.

Stop! Don’t give up. Eating shouldn’t be a battle.

Go!Many experts believe it takes as many as seven times for a child to accept a new kind of food.

Stop! This is as much your problem as the child’s.

Go! Chances are, you received comfort foods as child and withdrawing them “because the child is overweight – and making the reason known, also signals the wrong thing to the toddler.

Stop! Limit the screen time.

Go! Kids, by nature are conformists. Take them for a walk around the block after dinner or go out a play with them. It will do you some good as well.

Stop! Make it permanent and make it a family effort.

Go! Everyone at the table will benefit form a better diet. Let them listen to their tummies and have fruits and vegetables available for them when they are hungry.

Even children who appear healthy and active can be developing problems with a diet too high in fat. Although children need more fat than their adult counterparts, it should be gained form healthy foods, not from the drive-up window at McDonalds.

Weight Status Category	Percentile Range
Underweight	Less than the 5th percentile
Healthy weight	5th percentile to less than the 85th percentile
At risk of overweight	85th to less than the 95th percentile
Overweight	Equal to or greater than the 95th percentile