Monday, June 9, 2008

Applying for Daycare: What I Look for in Parents

As Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton, British politician, poet, critic and prolific novelist, 1803-1873 once said, “There is nothing so agonizing to the fine skin of vanity as the application of a rough truth.” To often, that vanity applies itself through the rose-colored world we see our children in. And while it is a noble and excusably parental right to believe that your children are, for all intents and purposes, the newly born saviors of the world – at least some day, the harsh realities often take a big bite out of that fantasy.

Consider your application to Daycare/pre-school. The process of applying often follows a search, which unfortunately can be mind-numbingly repetitive. Mt peer group often uses the premise of daycare as an easy way to make money. These are the babysitters, so to speak, the ones who will do drop-in, allow the children numerous hours of television viewing and for the most part, endless hours of play.

But you want more for your children – if you can afford it and you look for some education – albeit flexible – and some structure. And when you find it, you feel as though the long quest has ended. Your child will now be amongst those who will exceed expectations. But the search has left you with a problem. Is your child the right age, the right temperament, and more importantly, and this may come as a surprise, are you the right parents?

Every kid possesses a certain innocence for the world around him or her. As parents, you feel as though it is your obligation to shape that world. To do that, you need not only firm control over who you are, but control over that world. You are often unwilling to compromise those principles and will encourage the world to bend to your specific needs.

And often, this places you and your child in a sort of self-styled religious bubble. And it might be religion that puts you there but just as often, it is your lifestyle that gets in the way of making concessions to this wildly diverse world around you.

Over the years, I have had a few families that professed veganism. This movement has created numerous lines in what would have been an otherwise civil society. These people have a solid belief in what they eat, how they live, and how they perceive the world to be. Because they are not conforming to the world around them, they are forced to find people who aspire to the same type of lifestyle. Hence the bubble.

As adults, you can fluidly move from a situation that disagrees with your philosophy to one that accepts what you believe. But one day, your child will sit next to someone eating a bologna sandwich and wonder why they can’t eat meat. You can walk away from those omnivorous beasts but your child, as children often do, will wonder why can’t they have a meal with meat.

For parents looking to apply for a daycare/pre-school situation, there are three things you must keep in mind:

    First: You are applying for a guardian/educator for your child and although you are looking at the surroundings, what the little school has to offer, and whether you can see your child in such a setting, I am looking at you and asking: “can I work for you?”

    Second: When joining a small group, the dynamics, the chemistry and age are critical to not only your child – who will in almost every situation form quick friends and allies, you will often not see the situation the same way. You will want more than the group has to offer, forcing your lifestyle on the group. And by law, I am supposed to accommodate special needs, I have limits to what I can and will accept.

    Third: This is my business. I have right to refuse service to anyone and if I determine that you are not the right one, show some maturity and accept this as another obstacle to your way of life. Children are conformists but parents often are not. And unfortunately, neither am I.


Your daycare/pre-school provider is a default parent for your child often for the better part of fifty hours over a given week. I will influence them, teach them and nurture them. I will not be you, espouse your views of the world, or conform to what you believe in. Sure, I’ll give them special diet needs (organic milk or soy milk for instance) and I will keep them from some entertainment influences. But I can’t enforce your lifestyle on other parents nor will I attempt to on your behalf.

It may seem like you are interviewing me but in fact, I am looking at you as a client that may or may not want to work for you.

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