PreSchool Parenting

Flyover Preschool

2011-03-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

We have often heard the term flyover state, something that refers to the members of our United States sandwiched between the coastlines. But what is a flyover preschool?

I’m hoping that this isn’t how you view your child’s time spent in daycare. You want to want a safe place for your child to train for the school years ahead and I agree; these are the formative years, the time between you going back to work and your child going to school. It can be so much more that just a flyover. It is more than just time spent only as a precursor to better years ahead. It should be a time better spent when your child can learn to play, learn to socialize, learn to learn.

Those moments from the first day you return to work, you are faced with the dilemma of questioning yourself: did you make the right choice? I would be willing to wager that many urbanmamas visiting this site have not been in daycare when they were young, Yet, here you are, looking for care for the very child you probably have lost sleep over since the day s/he entered your life. Yet, here you are, looking for the type of care that affords you the time to go to work and for your child, the experience of social and educational growth.

It is referred to as nurture shock by authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their new book by the same title. They suggests that the feelings you have once you bring your youngster home, the feeling of "what have I/we done?" or better "they let me bring this home?" is completely natural. What now? is more like it. And once we ask that question, we begin looking for answers that may or may not be there. Bronson and Merryman don't think that many of the sources of wisdom we draw on on are the right ones.

There are plenty of other books and guides out there. Hollywood mommies, doctors who look at children and still others that look at parents, all write hoping to offer the magic elixir of parenthood between the covers of their books. While Bronson and Merryman look at the effects of praise and punishment (one leads to discouragement, the other induces lies) and how children develop a sense of race and future academic achievement, you are left with the decision of what to do with this precious bundle you are in charge of for the next eighteen or more years.

And as a result, we become anxious. Robin Marantz Henig, writing for the New York Times Magazine does not equate anxiousness with fear. She believes that "fear is something right in front of you, a real an objective danger". Anxiousness instead leaps forward, imagining something that might not even be there. When you begin looking for daycare, you will entertain both of these emotions at different times. And that's a good thing.

You are anxious about the kind of care a provider will offer. You are fearful and look for tell tale signs of danger as you interview for the spot. You are anxious, worrying about something in the far-off future will be a direct result of this very decision. And this is all part of parenting. You can rest assured that you are doing what any parent would do - although second born children can tell you that these emotions temper somewhat with each successive kid.

So how can I help? The kind of care I offer gives you some relief from this anxiousness. With an in-home, close knit group like the one I have, your child, almost immediately finds the kind of social immersion I provide educationally stimulating. They tend to blossom and grow in exciting new ways. I am focused on nurturing this growth with activities that have been developed over the twenty-two years I have been doing this. I relish my contribution not only to your child's well-being, but to yours as well.

I believe that if you feel good about where your child is, you will feel less anxious and as a result, be a better co-worker and after a day at the office, a better parent. Modern life offers enough challenges; it does not need to do the same with your child. They need the ability to be kids for just a little longer, learning while playing, interacting and socializing with a group that soon become friends.

I have one opening as we head into the fall. And I would be willing to spend some time with you dashing those anxious fears aside, letting you know that your decision is the right one and that you can relax (as much as any working mom or dad can) and contribute to the career you have chosen. Knowing that your child will be safe and in a enriching environment is for your benefit as well as your child's.

I have an opening for a child age 1-4, full time only. If you would like more information, contact me by email (funtastic_daycare@yahoo.com) of visit the site for more information about what we do: FuntasticDaycare.com

The Daycare Go-around

2009-10-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

This post frst appeared on Urbanmamas

I have posted here numerous times about a wide variety of topics. I have offered you a look at what my specialties are, how you should approach the economic decisions surrounding daycare for your child, the hopes and dreams we have and the anxieties we face making that all important decision on where to begin your child's preschool days.

What you feel when you search for the best place to put child, perhaps for the first time might have something to do with your Americanism. Alexis deTocqueville called it our "restless temper", the feeling that the next landing place, whether it be job or house or even church, might be better than the one we have now. We believe in new as the better option; what Juliet Schor, an economist calls fast-fashion.

While I could use this post to talk about this disposable lifestyle we have been nurtured on, new this replace the still relatively new that, I'll instead speak to what I am doing to change that go-around your brain must be on as you search for daycare. Just as fast-food led to slow food movement, a return to finding nourishing instead of simply filling our bellies with whatever might be convenient, fast-parenting, the need to expose your child to everything as soon as possible will lead to slow-parenting, a return to letting your child be a child again.

More than simply hoping some talent will emerge as we plan our child's future, the brain function needed to get to that point is nurtured through these initial years of social interaction, learning while playing and staying with a small, family oriented environment. Your child should be given this opportunity to grow at a pace that is often not in anyone's control. Does your child surprise you at times with what they have done? This is them showing you that they are free thinkers, individually designed to grow at a rate of their own making.

This is why slow is best. Given the chance, each child will have the opportunity to develop at their own pace. This is also an opportunity for you to accustom yourself to slowing down yourself. This stick-to-it for longer than your think is necessary now will give you excellent training for those school years ahead. Watching your child grow up is never easy, yet each new surprise offers rewards that far exceed what you might expect.

I offer all of the safeguards many of the daycares posted here do. In addition, I also offer your child the patience to learn who they are, grow from the experience and become the child you envisioned they would be: sharp, inquisitive and adept in social settings.

If you would like to learn more about this kind of opportunity, please visit my site or drop me a note about the one opening I have left.
Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

Anxiety Tolerance

2009-10-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

This post first appeared on Urbanmamas

I would be willing to wager that many urbanmamas visiting this site have not been in daycare when they were young, Yet, here you are, looking for care for the very child you probably have lost sleep over since the day s/he entered your life. Yet, here you are, looking for the type of care that affords you the time to go to work and for your child, the experience of social and educational growth.

It is referred to as nurture shock by authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their new book by the same title. They suggests that the feelings you have once you bring your youngster home, the feeling of "what have I/we done?" or better "they let me bring this home?" is completely natural. What now? is more like it. And once we ask that question, we begin looking for answers that may or may not be there. Bronson and Merryman don't think that many of the sources of wisdom we draw on on are the right ones.

There are plenty of other books and guides out there. Hollywood mommies (Jenny McCarthy, really?), doctors who look at children and still others that look at parents all write hoping to offer the magic elixir of parenthood between the covers of their books. While Bronson and Merryman look at the effects of praise and punishment (one leads to discouragement, the other induces lies) and how children develop a sense of race and future academic achievement, you are left with the decision of what to do with this precious bundle you are in charge of for the next eighteen or more years.

And as a result, we become anxious. Robin Marantz Henig, writing for the New York Times Magazine does not equate anxiousness with fear. She believes that "fear is something right in front of you, a real an objective danger". Anxiousness instead leaps forward, imagining something that might not even be there. When you begin looking for daycare, you will entertain both of these emotions at different times. And that's a good thing.

You are anxious about the kind of care a provider will offer. You are fearful and look for tell tale signs of danger as you interview for the spot. You are anxious, worrying about something in the far-off future will be a direct result of this very decision. And this is all part of parenting. You can rest assured that you are doing what any parent would do - although second born children can tell you that these emotions temper somewhat with each successive kid.

So how can I help? The kind of care I offer gives you some relief from this anxiousness. With an in-home, close knit group like the one I have, your child, almost immediately finds the kind of social immersion I provide educationally stimulating. They tend to blossom and grow in exciting new ways. I am focused on nurturing this growth with activities that have been developed over the twenty-two years I have been doing this. I relish my contribution not only to your child's well-being, but to yours as well.

I believe that if you feel good about where your child is, you will feel less anxious and as a result, be a better co-worker and after a day at the office, a better parent. Modern life offers enough challenges; it does not need to do the same with your child. They need the ability to be kids for just a little longer, learning while playing, interacting and socializing with a group that soon become friends.

I have one opening as we head into the fall. And I would be willing to spend some time with you dashing those anxious fears aside, letting you know that your decision is the right one and that you can relax (as much as any working mom or dad can) and contribute to the career you have chosen. Knowing that your child will be safe and in a enriching environment is for your benefit as well as your child's.

Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

A Genius in the Making

2009-09-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

This blog post first appeared at UrbanMamas

A Genius in the Making

There isn't a single UrbanMama (or UrbanPapa) who doesn't gaze down into their child's eyes and see a genius. That sparkle, that twinkle, that infectious giggle surely is just a front for a brain that is working its way toward a great future. And you promise yourself you will do everything you can to get this wonderful child there.
But how?

Scientific American reported that you may be trying too hard. In an article that appeared several years back, they suggested that "Many people assume that superior intelligence or ability is a key to success. But more than three decades of research shows that an overemphasis on intellect or talent—and the implication that such traits are innate and fixed—leaves people vulnerable to failure, fearful of challenges and unmotivated to learn."
Motivating a youngster to learn is done through play, through art, through song and dance. It is done while they aren't paying attention to the process. It is done by allowing them to be, first and foremost, kids.

Kids who learn with a soft structure often learn about abilities and talents they didn't know they had. "Praising children’s innate abilities," SA suggests "reinforces this mind-set, which can also prevent young athletes or people in the workforce and even marriages from living up to their potential." Interaction with children younger is beneficial as well.

Of the two views of intelligence the magazine reported on, my program has always leaned toward the development of a "mastery-oriented" child, done by encouraging them to try new things. Simple things like working with clay, dancing, trying their hand at cooking, or something as simple as finding out what makes them laugh. We work in our organic garden, play in the snow, and sharing their show-and-tell. Rather than developing a "fixed mind-set” which leads to "[m]istakes [that] crack their self-confidence because they attribute errors to a lack of ability, which they feel powerless to change", I look towards flexibility.

Instead I like to offer your child a chance to develop the kind of intelligence that "is malleable". While offering what many of the other fine daycares listed here provide, I will take your child on a growing journey, allowing them to develop in a soft structured way that suits them best.

Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

What to do with $450

2009-09-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

This post first appeared at Urbanmamas.com

The other day, as I perused one of the local free papers, I came across an ad for daycare. A new center had just opened and the fee for their services were $450 more than the tuition I charge. Ironically, they were offering many of the same things I was offering parents - except I offer a small family (no more than six children) in-home, (close to downtown in the NE) daycare situation and have been doing it for quite some time (over 22 years of caring for kids like yours).

The similarities are few: they have several openings (I have two) and they want girls (which would be great for my situation as well since I have one girl and three boys - although in the big scheme of things, this makes little difference at this age). The two spots I have open are both full time and with good reason: this is as much as school as the older kids attend, with scheduled activities and learning albeit in a soft structured setting. Full-time, just like big kid's school is as much to train your child as it is to train you.

The biggest difference between this "center" and me is the savings (the difference what I charge and what they charge) of $450 a month. Think how much college money that could provide in your child's 529 plan. Over the course of their time with me, that $450 saved dollars per month would take your family on several very nice vacations, buy hundreds of gallons of gas, thousands of pieces of fruit at the farmer's market, and tens of thousands of gallons of milk.

I encourage you to think about what you are getting in a daycare situation. Lots of money doesn't buy better care. Good care, such as what I provide is invaluable in the formation of your child, their well-being and their leap into school one day.
Check out my site and send me an email with any questions.

I look forward to hearing from you smart shoppers with smart kids.

Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare.com

My Specialty

2009-08-31T10:09:00.000-07:00

Over the years, and there have been twenty-two of them, I have developed a specialty in this business. I offer all of the great characteristics you expect in a daycare (and I can certainly elaborate on many of those things when you make contact). But what I provide for your child is something very special - for a certain kind of family.

I specialize in single child families.

This is not to the exclusion of siblings. But over the years, I have found that the main reason families are attracted to what I provide is the atmosphere of family. Here, your child will find the siblings she or he does not have at home. Not only have I found this to be beneficial to the child; the parent, who may for reasons of choice have decided to have just one child or possibly economic reasons, will be comforted to know that the family your child needs is in my home.

The atmosphere is both nurturing and educational, tailored as much to the way your child progresses as it is to the curriculum.
If you are looking for a family environment for your child, we should discuss the possibilities that await you.

I currently have two openings, for a three year old and a four-five year old. (Even though I focus on the single child families, siblings are always welcome and these two openings offer a unique opportunity for the right family.)

Take a moment and look at the site, send me an email with questions and I will get back to you promptly.

Admittedly daycare is different than big boy/girl school. But you should take note that we do follow a September through June educational plan. And school starts next week!

Bonni Petillo
Bonni's Funtastic Daycare

The Cost of Child Care

2009-06-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have felt little or no effect of the current economic downturn. My parents are stable and have weathered the financial problems that have affected so many people just fine. Until a short while ago when I was faced with a sudden opening. And I almost had the spot filled when the economy swooped in a forced the family to back away from what they saw as an excellent opportunity for their child.

This got me to wondering how parents are budgeting daycare and what can be done to improve the situation. Donna Norton at MomsRising.org suggested that we support a bill traveling through the Senate that would increase the child care deduction to almost twice what it currently is.

This is an interesting topic. On one side we have those that feel as though taxes are already giving us quite enough (it is surprising that some of your readers would not like a tax deduction - the article didn't suggest a refund) and those like you that feel the government should help those less fortunate while helping those that can afford much more expensive and exclusive daycare situations. Those who commented seemed to be missing the issue, framing it as a tax issue rather than a quality care cost issue.

Can it be had both ways?

Possibly it already is. Those who earn more than poverty level wages are allowed a $1000 deduction per child as part of the Child Tax Credit. There is currently a bill in committee in the House looking to make this important credit indexed for inflation.

What price a child? Cold calculations can range from $170,000 on up to $350,000 per child. Should families look at these numbers decide not have children or should they treat them otherwise, as worthwhile expenses? While they are always as priceless as precious, they do have a cost attached.

Where the government should step in is to help providers lower their costs and improve their economic situation. Current government regulation put the cost of reimbursable meals at $1.92 (for breakfast, lunch and two snacks).

Often these providers are taking care of your children as the costs of care are rising and to fix that they must pass the cost of operating a safe environment for your child on to you. Insurance costs are among the most difficult to pass on and among the most difficult to avoid. Providers, the good ones at least, must be licensed (which may come with some improvements to what would normally be considered a safe-enough house) trained (on their own time after spending all day with your children) and certified (through inspections). All of these could be subsidized by the government relieving the economic pressures of the high cost of running a nurturing environment during these all important formative years.

Providing tax relief at the provider level would have a greater net effect on better care than offering similar tax deductions for parents who still must pay upfront.

This kind of tax break would have a twofold effect: the provider would be more willing to offer better care and you would pay less.

You can sign an online petition to help sponsor the Family Tax Relief Act of 2009.

How we play?

2009-03-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

I have discussed in previous posts the necessity of play. More specifically, the need for recess. But do you, as parents engage in play. Not just with your children but as an act of fun?

Probably not. Could you benefit from this kind of activity? I believe so and what could happen is a trickle down effect to your children, how you approach their leisure time and how the two of you might interact as a more relaxed group.

Consider this video about the nature of play.

Peanuts for a Peanut Allergy?

2009-03-16T05:58:00.000-07:00

It almost seems counterintuitive. With almost 3.3 million people suffering from allergic reactions when they eat or even come in contact with peanuts or tree nuts, almost two-thirds of whom are children, this type of allergy can prove deadly. In fact, last year there were 150 deaths caused by ingesting, either by mouth or through skin contact.

The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology Research believes they may have the answer to a peanut allergy: give them peanuts. The dose begins in many instances with one-thousandth of a peanut with gradually increasing amounts. The experiment lasted for over two years and was conducted among 33 children. Powdered forms of peanuts were sprinkled on the child's food (in other words, don't try this experiment at home on your tot) with six children receiving a placebo. (A placebo is how science determines the results of the experiment by administering fake doses with real ones.)

The study, conducted at Duke University and Arkansas Children’s Hospital in Little Rock, found that most of the children who received the powdered form of the peanuts, in gradually increasing doses suffered from no allergic reaction - five of the children did so well they dropped out of the study because of the significant increases in their tolerance for the nut.

Parents should know that there are still no concrete findings on why these children develop this allergy. According to the Cincinnati Center for Eosinophilic Disorders they have looked at numerous possibilities, ruling out a few along the way and being surprised by others. Worries over what a mother had eaten while pregnant were studied. The report concluded that "Notably, cord blood analysis revealed no detectable IgE to peanut indicating in utero exposure was not likely to account for the sensitization. Of further note, maternal dietary factors also had no correlation with peanut allergy. However, there was an association between the duration of breastfeeding and peanut allergy; the significance of this is unclear."

But on the other hand, the study revealed that "there was a strong and statistically significant association between consumption of soy milk or soy formula in the first two years of life and the development of peanut allergy. This consumption typically preceded development of peanut allergy. The association with soy protein exposure and peanut allergy could arise from cross sensitization through common episodes that may prime T cell responses."

Milk allergy was not associated with peanut allergy nor was the use of breast creams, often containing trace elements of peanut oil was also ruled out. But some creams for rashes also contain peanut oil and researchers found that the use of these types of creams was suspect in causing the allergy.

The mystery has yet to be solved. The peanut is actually not a true nut, but a member of the legume family, which includes peas, lentils, soybeans and lima beans. Having a peanut allergy doesn't necessarily mean a person will be allergic to other legumes or nuts because of the varying sensitivity level of the individual to the peanut protein found in different types of nuts and legumes.

So far, after-the-fact treatment of the allergy and avoiding the nut, or traces of the nut in the production of other products is still the best approach in prevention. But the results of this study is promising. But whatever you do, don't try any home treatments not recommended by your child's doctor. But rest assured, the answer to this childhood problem seems close.

Your Child's Break

2009-03-03T06:33:00.000-08:00

My husband, who can spend vast amounts of time online conducting his multi-tentacled business endeavors often brings him through the house on what he calls "his union break". Although what he does is not dictated by any labor agreement, he grabs one of the most important things the labor movement has given us: the organized break. It doesn't amount to much - a cup of coffee, a brief moment in the sun, turning on the TV to check the direction of the markets or some banal talking head giving their opinion. It lasts for about twenty minutes or so and it is back to his upstairs office for another marathon session.

Your child needs the same type of break from learning his/her three Rs. We fondly call it recess.

Dr. Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist in Carmel Valley, Calif., has collected more than 6,000 “play histories” from human subjects. The founder of the National Institute for Play, he works with educators and legislators to promote the importance of preserving playtime in schools. He calls play “a fundamental biological process.” “From my viewpoint, it’s a major public health issue,” he said. “Teachers feel like they’re under huge pressures to get academic excellence to the exclusion of having much fun in the classroom. But playful learning leads to better academic success than the skills-and-drills approach.”

The best pre-schools recognize this as key to the refreshment of young minds. Idle creativity and improvised play are a huge part of your child's refreshment mechanism. And while we do work on numbers and reading and learning how to write (in the right direction), their young minds are often uncooperative. This is not a learning disability but a need for recess.

Now recess at school is different than downtime at home. While children should have a limited amount of TV time, finding educational programs (and watching them with your child) can constitute learning and if that is the case, they will need a break. This doesn't mean switching the channel to the cartoon network. It means turn the TV off and let the imagine, play with their inner brain and relax without programmed distractions. This wandering is not only healthful for them but in far to many instances, it should be practiced by you as well.

On a personal note, I received a phone call from my daughter-in-law the other day. She was calling to relay a message our grandchildren had spoke of. The television was off, the music was playing in the background and they were reading. The youngest commented: "Hey, this is just like Nana and Papa's house!" How much downtime is your house giving your child? How much are giving yourself?

PreSchool Parenting: Strict Parenting is Consistent Parenting

2009-03-02T14:11:00.000-08:00

Amy Wang of the Oregonian posed this question: "Are you a strict parent?" She is the assistant features editor at the Oregonian and mother herself of two young boys. It is a difficult question with unpredictable results.

It is in our natures to project into the future. The only problem is we are not so good at predicting into the distant future. Near future maybe, but predicting what will happen years from now is not within our scope of skills. No, Moms and Dads may have been born with eyes in the back of their heads (something that we claim is for watching our child when we aren't facing them but is more often used to question our judgement in hindsight) but their ability to determine which action will make their child a better citizen is simply not possible.

Instead, we should shoot for short-term results that builds gradually. This is how discipline works. We call it strict parenting for two reasons. It lays the boundaries of tolerable behavior and allows you to enforce those rules because of the relationship: parent to child. But what is strict and how does it affect the relationship?

Numerous studies point to the fact that strictness is actually a good way to build a stronger relationship with your child. But first, consider your relationship with your parents. Was it lenient and free flowing or were you forced to live under unreasonable guidelines such as curfews and regular bedtimes? Did your mother seem more like your friend or someone who was authoritative yet approachable (unapproachable would be not so good to align with authoritative)?

Whatever you relationship with your parents was, you will more than likely cherry pick some of the best qualities from their experience raising you, filter them and test them out your offspring. . One of the best skills we possess is the ability to selectively mimic what we see as a good idea, when we acknowledge to ourselves, "this might work" and it doesn't much matter where we get it. Your parents might not be a good template but if they are, draw on some of their best traits and adopt them. Just remember, they didn't have much of a handbook to go on either

Strictness is more like consistency when it is done correctly. You instruct a child on what you think is best and stand your ground. You do not allow temper tantrums to sway you. You do not allow comparisons to dissuade your decision (this will come later and make you feel like you are an inadequate parent) and do not let them see you flinch.

This is also far from what would be considered by social scientists as authoritative rule where there is no leniency, no delicate balance that allows the child to make an argument that might make sense. But keep in mind, this comes later after the child has found that their happiness and success is all that concerns you. That their safety and health is really the reason you make them do the things they might not be so anxious to do. Preschoolers are just beginning to test those boundaries and rules and do not necessarily understand what you are trying to achieve.

Once the basis for such things as bedtimes and curfews is established though, structuring homework, dinnertimes and activities are taken for granted.

I simply don't like the word strict. I prefer consistent. Consistent parents have taken the time to decide what is best and are willing to carry through, consistently. They have tapped their inner "I know what's best" gene and are listening to it. And at the same time, they are listening to their child and adapting as time moves on. Consistency is more a state of general well-being, a familiarity with what to expect.

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines: Fomites and Kindergarten

2009-02-12T05:56:00.000-08:00

I am graduating several kids from my pre-school this year to kindergarten. This is as big a move for the parents as it is for the kids. At one round-up, the gymnasium was filled with kids being "watched" so the parents could tour the facility without their little student in tow. As one parent commented on the experience, "I was worried about our child catching a cold in your small group".

Catching a cold, it turns out, is a natural part of the childhood experience. There are, however guidelines to keeping your child safe and the children around them - although your best efforts will be thwarted by the parents who, because of work obligations or because they simply do not care about the group, will bring a child with a fever. But what about the running nose, the cold, the winter crud that makes your child feel listless, less alert and just plain crummy?

A study was done on infants with the flu, a potentially deadly complications for kids this young. The researchers found that if you simply sit in the run with the sick child, you will not get the infection. If you touch what the child touched or cuddled the sick child, you would. In other words, your child's health in in the hands - their hands, the other kids hands and t o some degree, your hands as well.

In a daycare or preschool situation, providers spend a good deal of time making sure that hands are clean, toys and other objects stay away from the face, and that those toys and objects are regularly cleaned. But your child is only here Monday through Friday and those nasty germs, viruses and related bacteria are everywhere.

The term pediatricians often use is shedding viruses. This can occur before the child shows symptoms, during the child's illness and even after the fact. Because you cannot keep every child home the entire winter - pediatricians also suggest that missing school is far worse than the overall effect of the illness - unless they are really sick, you should consider their advice.

Children should be fully immunized against pertussis (whooping cough) and measles, for example, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends an annual flu shot for all children from 6 months to 18 years old. A child with a fever (or is vomiting) is another matter entirely. You may be tempted to load your child up with ibuprofen and drop them off, hoping for the best. But your provider or teacher knows your child better in many cases, than you do. If you do something like this, you will probably get a call.

Dr. Caroline Breese Hall, a professor of pediatrics and medicine at the University of Rochester has said, “Taking one child out of the school who sits next to your child is going to do little when your child goes into the lunchroom and there are secretions all over the table. You cannot focus on one sick child because there’s a world of much cleverer microbes.”

Wash, wash your hands and do it again. And be sure to teach your child the same sanitation. It can only help.

Potty Training: The Tips that come from Experience

2009-02-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

It is so easy to get caught-up in the education of your child. You teach them how to speak and act socially, you set boundaries and parameters for behavior, and you believe that your child is special among children, smart, bright, beautiful. You want them to rush through childhood as get to the top of the class before the rest of the children are even reading Suess. You begin eyeballing career paths and the schools that will get them there.

But your child has other ideas. And so do the schools that cater to these types of parents. Your child must be potty trained, they insist and they do so for good reason. They do not want to touch your child.

These institutes of higher learning don't really do more for your child than the best in-home daycare/preschool can provide (small groups with individual attention, learning at a pace that suits the child not the curriculum, and most importantly, the ability to play with different age groups - at this stage, even six months difference in ages can mean a world of interesting social discoveries) but parents get hung up on the social pressures of their own peer groups. It is understandable and forgivable.

So the race begins to push your child to potty train. And as I have mentioned, your child has other ideas. This process is not cookie-cutter by any stretch of the imagination. It requires a child who interested - "Mom, I want to be changed" or "Dad, what are you doing in there" to waking up dry after a night's sleep. These magic moments signal a readiness that is not bounded by a specific age. But rather a specific nature.

Once this interest begins, it is best to not get too excited that your diaper days are numbered. Kids are fickle and can be encouraged. But once this turns into a battlefield, you will have many more problems than successes.

In an in-home preschool/daycare situation, the peer pressure of watching older kids line-up after snack/lunch/nap can begin the process. The in-home teacher can offer assistance in the process. But the bottom line: if you are not committed to the effort, your child will lapse, falter and you will be discouraged.

Here's the tips:

Once your child shows the interest - the child, not you - be prepared to look for a bathroom in every store you visit, every event you attend, and every house you visit. Knowing where these are saves time, stress and energy. Be prepared to abandon your cart, your lunch, your seat in order to get the child to the restroom as soon as possible. That's the out-of-doors advice.

At home, over a relaxing weekend, put your child on the toilet every twenty minutes or so. Leave them with a book or a toy but give them their privacy - at least enough so they think they are alone. Keep checking back every few minutes asking about their progress. If it is not happening, it won't - just then. The time frame is arbitrary. You will know how long your child can stay dry and use that as a baseline for their bladder and bowel control.

Third tip: rewards work. Small ones like stickers or piggy banks can be something that works - for a while. You know your child best. But give them something really rewarding - like a piece of candy when they go, two for wiping up afterwards, three for a successful number two event, and you will find the process evolving a little more quicker.

Fourth tip: praise, praise and more praise. Heaping it on makes your child feel like the center of attention and this should be standard for even the smallest of accomplishments. But when it comes to potty training, nothing can be more important.

Do you need an insert, a potty chair or other device to make the process easier? I don't think so. You can accomplish the same feat without one. Those products are more for the pushy parents who wants their child going on their schedule.

Fifth tip: Your child will forget she/he has to go. This can be a traumatic moment in the process of developing responsibility. If they simply were playing and failed to estimate the distance to the bathroom, explain to them why they need to stop what they are doing and how important it is to go like a big girl or boy. And let them change their own wet clothing. Help but they need to know that you didn't have the accident - they did and changing soiled clothing is not your problem.

Sound harsh? You are building independence of thinking and action and the consequences of not thinking and failing to act cannot be mitigated by your accommodating the process by reassuring that it is okay, accidents will happen, and "here, let me help you".

Sixth tip: Once out of diapers, they are OUT OF DIAPERS for good. There is no going back. No partial diapers for your convenience. No overnight protection. Pull-ups are okay. But there should never be any straddling of the lines in this process. This is why we wait for the right moment and not the one of your choosing.

Seventh tip: Number one is easy; number two however can be quite different and take a good deal longer to accomplish. Potty training can take a weekend to explain and several months to successfully complete the process. Perhaps longer.

Is there an optimum age to begin? By three they should have expressed an interest. If not, you can begin the conversation. If you child is a dreamy sort, engrossed in his own world of play and imagination, the process might take some extra effort. If your child is the analytical type, mature (not just articulate and smart) and focused, the process might be much easier.

Know your child. Do they like to sneak off to have a bowel movement in a private space? Note the time of day and begin sitting them on the potty more frequently around that time. If your child wakes up dry, get them on the pot right away and encourage them to do it there.

Your child's age does have a small role in the success of your potty training efforts but by and large, it will be their interest, your patience and consistency and the support of everyone the child has contact with (daycare, preschool, relatives) to make the whole process work.

Probably the harshest reality of the process is the amount of control your child has over when and how well they do. In many instances, this a parent's first encounter with you as support for another human being with a mind of their own!

Good luck.

Kids and Sign Language

2009-02-05T17:15:00.000-08:00

As you found out today, we have been working on American Sign Language. This is an important tool for kids to learn and because they have young minds, it is much easier for them to grasp basic commands.

So what is sign language?

Now is a good time to ask. According to the Linguistic Society of America, "During most of the 20th century, no one really knew. Not even Deaf people who used sign language in their daily lives knew what it was. Those who noticed that many thoughts are expressed differently in sign and in English assumed that sign was an ungrammatical form of English. Most Americans thought it was a way to express English words with signs—a substitute for speech. As the truth came to light in the second half of the 20th century, it surprised everyone."

Sign language is more than just a substitute for the acoustic version of speech that we are most familiar with, using instead a series of hand and body gestures along with facial expressions to convey the meaning of the "speaker's" intent. Wherever there are deaf people, sign languages develop. the substitute languages number in the hundreds with American Sign Language or ASL being the most recognized.

Juan Pablo Bonet is credited with the first formal instruction in sign language when he published the first manual on logopedia, a method to teach the deaf to communicate without words. His work first appeared in Madrid in 1620 titled Reducción de las letras y arte para enseñar a hablar a los mudos or "Reduction of letters and art for teaching mute people to speak". A century later, Charles-Michel de l'Épée formalized the alphabet and it has changed little since.

The question most hearing people first ask is: "Do the signs of American Sign Language (ASL) stand for English words?" the Linguistic Society offers this as way to explain: "A simple test is to find English words that have two different meanings. If ASL signs stand for English words, there would be a sign with the same two meanings as the English word. For example, the English word “right” has two meanings: one is the opposite of “wrong,” the other is the opposite of “left.” But there is no ASL sign with these two meanings. They are expressed by two different signs in ASL, just as they are expressed by two different words in French, Spanish, Russian, Japanese, and most other languages."

To help you work on this important language form with your child, who, when I first instructed them on the process found the act of making gestures great fun, I have added a few links here for you to work on as well. This helpful link is from Sprout

Another browser from the ASL shows in Quicktime clips a wide variety of words. In factthis ASL browser actually shows you almost the entire English language signed in video form.

If you have time with your child at a computer, Signing Time for Kids offers numerous games and instructions for both your child and you. Your child often finds the act of playing a game a useful form of instruction. Try this memory game

PreSchool Parenting: Make Mine Dirt

2009-02-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

There is no doubt in my mind that you make every attempt to give your child as many advantages as humanly possible. You cook good food, bath them and make sure they get enough rest, engage them in activities to increase their brain power and instruct them on the social etiquette needed to help them grow into a good global citizen. But do you let them eat dirt?

Probably not. But what studies have discovered, a little dirt goes a long way in your efforts to grow a healthy child. Dirt!

According to Dr. Joel V. Weinstock, the director of gastroenterology and hepatology at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, your child's immune system “is like an unprogrammed computer. It needs instruction.” he doesn't discount the fact that efforts make the environment safe by cleaning up contaminated water and food have saved the lives of countless children, but, he also adds, these efforts have “also eliminated exposure to many organisms that are probably good for us.”

“Children raised in an ultraclean environment,” he added, “are not being exposed to organisms that help them develop appropriate immune regulatory circuits.”

The answer apparently is not just the dirt, but the worms who make the earth their habitat of choice. many places in the developed world have all but eliminated exposure to these creatures and the result is an increase in immune system disorders like multiple sclerosis, Type 1 diabetes, inflammatory bowel disease, asthma and allergies".

Dr. Ruebush, the “Why Dirt Is Good” author does not suggest we throw out the wash water but she does point out that “The typical human probably harbors some 90 trillion microbes. The very fact that you have so many microbes of so many different kinds is what keeps you healthy most of the time.”

Citing the overall health of children who grow up in a rural environment, exposed to dirt, animals and worms, Dr. David Elliott, a gastroenterologist and immunologist at the University of Iowa suggest we may be taking the whole cleanliness thing a bit too far. He suggests that “Children should be allowed to go barefoot in the dirt, play in the dirt, and not have to wash their hands when they come in to eat.”

Sure, we all practice post bathroom wash-ups and clean where we might, hands, tables, dishes. But a little grim can go a long way in helping your child grow up healthy - or at least healthier.

PreSchool Parenting: It's Chilly Outside

2009-01-28T06:53:00.000-08:00

There is a general belief that no matter what, you should get your kids outside. If there is no rain falling in buckets, I tend to agree. But what is not fully realized is the effect that cold air can have on a child that already has a few breathing problems.

What is just coming to light is the way cold air interacts with airborne pollution. In the summer, we get clean air updates when goofy things like humidity or inversions take place, both the effect of air that fails to recirculate fast enough to get the bad stuff out and let the good stuff in. In the winter, something similar happens.

Ozone, according to Todd Miner, a meteorologist at Pennsylvania State University suggests that "higher temperatures combined with sunlight provide the conditions that promote ozone, which has well-known irritating effects on the respiratory tract." he is also quick to point out the inversions are not a summer-only occurrence. In fact, the different layers of air can trap pollutants close to the ground in many winter locales.

Dr. Stefan Worgall, chief of pediatric pulmonary, allergy and immunology at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center, said "some people, especially those with asthma and nasal allergies, can react to cold air with cold-air-induced rhinitis, characterized by a runny nose and congestion. In some people, he said, it can even trigger an asthma attack."

While it might appear that your child has an endless runny nose, the cause might be something that we used to consider healthy when we were kids. Dr Worgall adds that if your child is already suffering from asthma, the chances of a cold-air occurrence of rhinitis increases from a normal 5% of the time to 50%.

This is also a good time to teach your child to sneeze into the bend of their elbow. I reinforce this concept on a regular basis. Do you?

Pre-School Parenting: Biology, Behavior, and your Kid's Brain

2008-09-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

Your child has changed. I understand that the whole of your kid is a work in progress. The changes I want to write about today have to do with the subtle, and often not-so-subtle changes that might catch you unaware. These are not growing changes of the kind that forces you back to the store for a new set of clothes, a larger car seat or even a top-of-the-head mark on the kitchen wall. These changes are happening inside your child’s skull.

The pre-fontal cortex of your child’s brain is not fully formed by age two, but the changes that this part of the brain is subjecting you to may seem as if it has taken a devilish turn. From birth, a pattern of sleep at night, don’t sleep at night has been almost a constant in your daily life and certainly high on your list of sleep-deprived complaints.

Some are fortunate to have a child that actually enjoys her/his sleep and wakes up on the “right side of the bed” everyday. But that is the subject of another blog post. Yet, the same part of the brain that gives you joy or something quite the opposite, will ultimately send a barrage of messages to your child that will, if it hasn’t already, caused you great alarm.

Suddenly your little angel, or as one father referred to his youngster the other day “my special little snowflake”, will alter behavior and become something totally alien. They will interrupt and erupt, cry suddenly, color on walls or throw whatever they have in their hand, eat, scream and otherwise shift gears at lightening speed. Life becomes impulsive. Control becomes wishful thinking.

You can blame biology. The density of those neurotransmitters is far lower than that of the average adult yet we expect a progression of growth in your child that coincides with height or weight. They are, for all intents and purposes, physically where they should be but not mentally where you might expect them to be all of the time. The key to solving this problem is growing your child’s self-possession.

In order for your child’s behavior to develop, quite literally by forcing the biology to bend in the right direction, some exercise is needed. I practice developing these kids here by using story time as a time in your pre-schooler’s day when they must listen to the words. Only on the most rare occasion do I share the pictures in the story during the first go through of a book. This absorption in the story, the eye contact and the subsequent quiz that follows some time later, all help your child’s focus on controlling their impulse to simply get up and play.

This sort of biological push now will help them when they enter school and are required, for example, to stop playing when recess ends. By age three, your child should not only be able to count objects, but to check the work of another child (or even you). This simple games of checking the counter help the child not only focus on getting it right the first time, but subjecting their attention to a fact checking.

Next time you take out the bread to make a sandwich, count the slices aloud. Ask your child to check your work. You need four oranges at the grocery store. Have them recount what you have chosen to make sure you got it correct.

Have you ever heard us sing about cleaning up? Do you have a bedtime song you and your child sing together while they get ready for bed? These are memory builders that force your child to do two things at once, focusing on the success of both.

Now I know what you are thinking. Are you or I supposed to be training our little charges with a future of multi-tasking? In a way, yes. We “walk and chew gum". We drive and listen to the radio, often singing with great gusto. I know none of you use a cell phone and drive but the idea of being able to focus your brain on numerous tasks at once is the result of how well your prefrontal cortex developed and because of this training, it now fires those messages of self-control to your everyday life.

These kinds of studies are still in their formation stages. Although scientists such as Jessica Fanning and Helen J. Neville at the University of Oregon have begun projects to help train parents, the programs still seem to over reach, taking the childhood out of childhood. Any of these tools for teaching, especially at this age should be integrated into a daily routine of interaction. There will be plenty of time for your child to fall into the classroom style of learning. But until then, make every opportunity to learn fun.

Asthma, Kids and the Daycare Setting

2008-09-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

We all know what asthma is. The wheezing, the lack of breath, the seemingly sickliness that having an inhaler at a young age all contribute to the image that your child's problem is of your making. And perhaps it is. But in all likelihood, it isn't.

The odds are stacked against your child when it comes to asthma. Researcher Nicolaos C. Nicolaou, MD of England's University of Manchester has identified several variables contributing to the disease. Being male, testing positive for allergic sensitivity, having a mother with asthma, and having a mother who smoked during pregnancy all have been known to add to the child's problems with breathing. But what Dr, Nicolaou was not expecting was the effect of daycare on asthma.

With over 6.2 million children in the US suffering from the illness (according to the American Lung Association), the concerns about how this problem develops the more a country industrializes has had medical researchers in quandary. Why if, as we progress and become more prosperous to the risk of breathing problems actually increase? Turns out, it is your house and your attempts at creating the most sterile environment possible for your child.

Not that there is something inherently wrong with keeping a clean house - and you certainly don't want to change your ways simply because your child cannot breath - but your fastidious behavior has been found to be a contributor. Why? You have eliminated many of the germs and bacteria that children readily absorb and use as a defense against the problem.

Called the Hygiene Hypothesis, Dr Nicolaou discovered that putting your child in a daycare situation actually increases the chances of your child gaining control over the problem. The contact with other children often builds the immune system back to normal levels and may actually stem the root cause of the asthma. While exposure to other children works in this process, older siblings living with the asthmatic child do not have the same effect.

Nicolaou was quoted in a recent article o WebMD saying that: ""This is probably because the size of the exposure matters," Nicolaou says. "Being exposed to a lot of children very early appears to be more protective than being exposed to just a few." He added that the daycare solution is best for children who are genetically disposed to asthma.

Next: Is the medication we give them also a cause?

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines: What is Measles?

2008-08-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

With the recent refusal of numerous parents to vaccinate their children, most based on the fear that these types of vaccines are a result in the increase in autistic children, measles has begun to rear its ugly (rash-y) head. This might be as dangerous a consequence as refusing to get the vaccine in the first place, a gamble that may have long-lasting effects and possibly even death waiting in the wings

What is measles?

According to the New York Department of Health, it is an "acute, highly contagious viral disease capable of producing epidemics." What is often unknown, is how many people have had the vaccination that prevents this disease from spreading. Because the disease is "usually considered a childhood disease, it can be contracted at any age. The majority of cases are now imported from other countries or linked to imported cases." But that is changing according to Mike Stobe of the Associated Press.

He writes: "Measles cases in the U.S. are at the highest level in more than a decade, with nearly half of those involving children whose parents rejected vaccination, health officials reported Thursday" of last week.

"The number of cases" he continues, "is still small, just 131, but that's only for the first seven months of the year. There were 42 cases for all of last year." It seems to be making its re-emergence via home schooled kids in particular.

The following information comes from the NY Department of Health and is extremely important when making the decision to or not to vaccinate:

"In the first stage, the individual may have a runny nose, cough and a slight fever. The eyes may become reddened and sensitive to light while the fever consistently rises each day. The second stage begins on the third to seventh day and consists of a temperature of 103-105 degrees Fahrenheit and a red blotchy rash lasting four to seven days. The rash usually begins on the face and then spreads over the entire body. Koplik spots (little white spots) may also appear on the gums and inside of the cheeks.

"How soon do symptoms appear?
"Symptoms usually appear in 10-12 days, although they may occur as early as seven or as late as 21 days after exposure.

"When and for how long is a person able to spread measles?
An individual is able to transmit measles from four days prior to and four days after rash onset.

"Does past infection make a person immune?
"Yes. Permanent immunity is acquired after contracting the disease.

"What is the treatment for measles?
"There is no specific treatment for measles.

"What are the complications associated with measles?
"Pneumonia occurs in up to six percent of reported cases and accounts for 60 percent of deaths attributed to measles. Encephalitis (inflammation of the brain) may also occur. Other complications include middle ear infection, diarrhea and convulsions. Measles is more severe in infants and adults.

"How can measles be prevented?
"Anyone born on or after January 1, 1957, who does not have a history of physician-diagnosed measles or serologic confirmation of measles immunity, should receive two doses of MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine for maximum protection. The first dose should be given at 12-15 months of age. The second dose should be given at four to six years of age (school entry) at the same time as the DTaP and polio booster doses. MMR vaccine is recommended for all measles vaccine doses to provide increased protection against all three vaccine-preventable diseases: measles, mumps and rubella. Measles immunization is required of all children enrolled in schools and pre-kindergarten programs. Since August 1, 1990, college students have also been required to demonstrate immunity against measles."

Kids and Disaster Planning

2008-08-10T03:50:00.000-07:00

Could your pre-schooler be the key to how well you perform in a disaster situation? Possibly so. Amanda Ripley, author of "The Unthinkable: Who Survives and Disaster - and Why" (Crown) is a journalist with more than her share of disaster coverage. In her book, she was fascinated by the way survivors reacted when tragedy stuck and offers a few ideas on how you can help your reaction and that of your family. Surprisingly, your youngest child may help.

All good daycares and pre-schools practice how to evacuate during a fire. And while this may seem to be training for the adult providers, the experience provides a valuable lesson for the children as well. A properly executed evacuation can only come with practice, a repetitive behavior that gives the mind a mental map of not only where to go but how to get there.

According to Ms. Ripley, you brain works with pattern recongintion. This is way for your brain to access what has happened before and draw on that experience at the very time when you do not have the opportunity to think about what needs to be done. Simply using words will not suffice. The brain needs a map, a script to draw on in these kinds of situations. Fortunately, that is the easy part. The hard pard is making the map and denying your instincts, which may actually act against you.

The Importance of Gathering

While it is important to gather your child to you when a disaster strikes, the biggest problem facing the adults is the gathering reaction. Believing that retrieving valuable papers or pictures or even mundane things like jewelry or articles of clothing (surprisingly, grown-ups will grab the oddest things when disasters strike such as the story of the woman who needed to take the book she had been reading even as the 9/11 disaster was unfolding around her). In other words, moving quickly is learned through rehearsal and cannot be counted on as something you would do without thinking.

Follow the Leader

It is generally assumed that the leader will be the adult present at the time. Unfortunately, someone needs to grasp this role in order for the number of survivors to be highest. We tend to be agonizingly orderly, even polite when disaster strikes in a public place. But n the home, when moments count, we do some dumb things and this adds to the possibility that our plans will not get followed.

There are things you can do that will allow you to let the leadership role be assumed by even the youngest family member.
First, have fire drills. They may seem like an exercise that is better put off until tomorrow, but the more times you do it with your family, the better the chances are that they will all survive.

With the lights out, try and find your way to the nearest exit and escape. It is not as easy as it seems. Often we will confront obstacles that should be moved, doors that are not easily unlocked form the inside (where are the keys?), and what needs to go with you when you leave (fires might require a quick grab of important papers stored near an exit or, in the case of a natural disaster, an emergency back pack - a subject we will discuss in my next post).

Secondly: and ounce of prevention Put your child in charge of fire safety around the house. They will be reminders to things such as change the smoke detector battery on the first of the month if you give them the chore. It is a good way to teach them (and refresh what they have learned in pre-school about calendars) to follow a routine of good habits.

And lastly, give them the confidence to make the right decision You may be injured or feeling under the weather when a disaster strikes leaving the only clear-headed thinking to your toddler. The more confidence you give your child in which decision to make, the higher the likelihood the whole family will survive.

You may have less than three minutes to get to that place. Can your family do it? Have you practiced more than once?

It can save your life!

Kids and Tradition

2008-08-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned that kids are conformists, enjoying the activities that a group can provide, the interaction that other individuals bring and the way that they can count on these things - not just the times when they happen, but the regularity of their occurrence. We all think of traditions as something that happens at the holidays. In fact, those two words are often linked in such a way that those who love the repetitive nature of gatherings and festivities around the these special occasions actually begin looking forward to and planning for them days, weeks, even months in advance. Some of us loath them and the restrictions they offer - same thing, different year.

But kids are different. They relish traditions. The question is: what kind of tradition are you offering?

According to Mbathio Sall of the Bibliothèque lecture Développement in Dakar, Sénégal, traditions are not only important, they provide a rich set of memories, cultural learning and often the much needed interaction that daily life often edits down to a couple of hellos, goodbyes and little else. Because of that, our children suffer.

Mr. Sall breaks down traditions in the following way (quoted directly without grammatical corrections):

There is no better place in the American culture than the dinner table. We seldom gather as a group in any other place for a single purpose. This is perfect opportunity to discuss what happened at pre-school that day, what your child learned and possibly what you know about the subject. Offer and anecdote about your days in school.

No television, no distractions, no time limit. It doesn't have to be elaborate but it does need be placed very high on the list of things you do "traditionally".

Kids and Bullying

2008-07-31T08:43:00.000-07:00

We all know one. We all understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of what KidsHealth.org describes as: "Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways."

We all know what it was like just twenty, thirty or forty years ago when such action took place. We were told to retaliate, to fight back and to forcefully and often with force, rebuff the bully as best we can. A scene from Christmas Story set in the fifties illustrates the gratification and almost instant remorse when Ralphie confronts his tormentors.

There is a good chance that your child will be bullied at some point. Even the ones who seem aggressive to others may have the tables turned by still older kids when they reach school. There are certain things you can do as a parent of a pre-schooler that will help your child get though this period - and it is often just that, a stage, a phase or a brief period of time. How they react to the bully will influence how long the bullying actually lasts.

For instance, if you suspect your child has been bullied - and believe me, it can happen incredibly fast and often be unbelievably brief, here are some suggestions for you as a parent.

Bullies thrive on your child being upset. In a pre-school setting, where the group is often small, some of these techniques may not work. But now is the time to practice with your child. Michelle New, PhDClinical Child Psychologist, Kentlands Kids, in Gaithersburg, MD suggests that the child "Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear a "poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully)."

She also believes that best method is to "Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away." This will take practice and may not make any sense to your child now but later, it will definitely help with the problem.

Fight back with words although not to the bully. tell your child to tell an adult. Some states, bullying is actually against the law and the bully's parents are responsible for their child's behavior. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.

The key is to talk about it.

Another idea that may help is getting your child interested in outside group activities that build confidence or skills that make them feel more comfortable in public settings.

Kids and the Dark Side of (Aggressive) Behavior

2008-07-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

Consider this: "Individuals with unrealistically positive self-perceptions are viewed as particularly vulnerable to receiving social information that may threaten their high self-esteem and increase the likelihood of aggressive behavior because of the extremely positive nature of their self-perceptions."

We want our child to perceive themselves as a member of society. And when that perception carries over into a pre-school setting, manifesting itself as bullying, we are shaken to the core. "Not my kid" is often the reaction from parents who receive reports of this kind of behavior. The problem lies mostly in the child's ability to understand what they are doing.

Often, the child will exhibit aggression when they perceive that they can do anything and do it well. Assuming that the child does not suffer from a disorder such as ADHD, the behavior the child demonstrates can be linked to several distinct possibilities.

1. Poor supervision
2. Harsh or erratic discipline
3. Parental disharmony
4. Rejection of the child
5. Low involvement in the child's activities
6. Lack of encouragement and reinforcement of polite or considerate behavior in the child, combined with giving attention and reinforcement to the child when he yells or throws a tantrum.

While tantrums are somewhat different than actual bullying, the behavior is often manifested in similar ways. According to KidsHealth.org: "A child wants a sense of independence and control over the environment — more than the toddler may be capable of handling. This creates the perfect condition for power struggles as the child thinks "I can do it myself" or "I want it, give it to me."

Unfortunately, aggressive behavior in your child may have something to do with how you react to aggression. Here is short checklist of some behaviors your child may be unwittingly picking up from you:

1. You must win an argument, no matter what the cost.

2. Walking away from a dispute, even if it doesn't really affect your life, is a sign of weakness.

3. Compromising to settle a disagreement is a loss you can't live with.

4. "Real men" are aggressive, and it is important to encourage aggressive behavior in sons.

5. "Real women" are submissive and dependent, and shouldn't protect themselves from abuse, and daughters should learn to defer to the men in their lives.

Good news is that most experts in the field judge this behavior as temporary. "Starting around 8 years old, children's self-perceptions become more accurate (i.e., congruence between self-perceptions and objective indicators) as children increase in their awareness of areas of incompetence and become better judges of their functioning."

Next up: A look at the passive child who must deal with aggression.

Kids and Nature

2008-07-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Are your children suffering from a lack of nature? Oddly enough, this becomes more prevalent when the child becomes older but can, and as I have come to understand, also afflict our pre-school aged children.

Author Richard Louv (Child in the Woods: Saving our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder) offers a couple of suggestions on how to create a place for your child to experience all of his senses to their fullest. Although Mr. Louv does not necessarily trash technology, a fact of life that even he admits will give the child a degree of learning that can be had nowhere else, he does say that using only television and computers as a source of stimulus does a great injustice to a child’s curiosity.

There is no need for you to pack your bags and head to the closest national park – although the experience is well worth the time and effort you may expend getting your child (and you) to a place where interaction with nature is almost unavoidable (save for hiding in the trailer the entire time). You are in the “big picture” when you are out in nature camping, hiking or fishing. But in many cases, your backyard will do just fine. A walk around the neighborhood or through an open field can be just as rewarding.

But I have found that the simplest exposure to nature is often the most rewarding. Are you stopping to watch a spider spin a web? Do you explain what you know to your child about the nature you grew up with? They revel in your knowledge of subjects that are new to them. Do you take the time to give them a little insight into what they are looking at?

My husband still has a set of nature encyclopedias from almost fifty years ago that do two things for your children when I take them out to show them what they are seeing: they illustrate some of the wonders of nature in vibrant close up color and it also lets them see reference materials in a book. Although I am big believer in reading stories to kids, these little snippets of information fuel their imaginations and give rise to an openness for their natural surroundings.

Can you answer questions like “why bees are attracted to clover”? Books like “The Reason for a Flower by Ruth Heller might help. Or “why birds fly”? Try Up, Down, and Around Big Book by Katherine Ayres and Nadine Bernard Westcot. You can follow along an ant path in Bug Safari by Bob Barner

This is a stop-and-smell-the-roses experience that you get with your child, often only once. Don’t pass up the opportunity to help your child learn from the one person they will rely on for decades to know the answer. I’ll only be an influence for a couple of years but you will always be there with new insights, great antidotes about your experiences with nature and with any luck, knowledge of the world around them.

Just on final word on the subject: Keep it positive. Suggesting that bees sting and spiders bite is good as a warning to keep children out of harms way but do so after you have the opportunity to offer some of the reasons for their being. Then tell them why they will get stung or bit.

Kids and Bad Language - Seven More Words You can't say in Pre-school

2008-07-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

I've raised four kids of my own and have, throughout the years, heard just about every shape of bad language. Only not when they were pre-school. This is largely a result of three factors, most of which are beyond our everyday control.

We work long hours, quite possibly longer than our parents did. Add in the time it takes to get to and from work, pre-school. grocery shopping, etc., etc. and a twenty four hour day quickly evaporates.

Secondly, with so little time to spend with our kids during the course of the normal workweek, we tend to turn to the media for help. And there are some excellent presentations available not only on television (another post at another time) and online (same with this topic) but what you choose may not be all of the media your child receives.

Lastly, we often know folks who expose their children to things we may not have dreamed of allowing our three- and four-year-old to and those kids talk. They explain the nuances of Indiana Jones or the Pirates of a Caribbean and re-enact numerous scenes. It may not make any difference whether your child has scene the actual movie, their interest is piqued and they will always seek more. It is one of those "taste of sugar" things. Once you have it...

I have seen an increase in certain language and words that seem key to these performances, most of which are intended for an age group (although they are equally marketed to this toddler set) that is much older, capable of understanding what those words mean and are able to grasp a parental conversation about the subject. Three is too young to understand the societal reaction of such talk and worse, the negative reflection that automatically shins right back on the parent.

Here are the words that I find most offensive, too telling (something strangers interpret to be a result of poor parental upbringing - and we know that is probably not true) and unacceptable in all group settings. It is just the time we live in.

No pre-school or daycare environment should permit their students or charges the following words: guns, swords (and any reference to weaponry), kill, hit (or any reference to physical violence), and completely to the flip side of the equation, kiss, marry, and sex.

Hey, it happens and most often when you least expect it. Bunch those words with the language that is generally out of acceptable social behavior (and this might mean trying not to laugh as four- and five-year-olds try out words like diarrhea or fart, the phonetic sounds of those which might make us chuckle. Doesn't make it right though.

According to some experts, the use of bad language is a cry for independence, a means to gain acceptance or as a way to gain attention. In most cases it is more of a way to show intellectual superiority (I know something that you don't).

Parents have got to be as firm as I am in the school situation if they expect their child to listen later when the topics become more serious. Watch the language you use, stay focused on the topic of what is acceptable and what isn't and reward good behavior every time.

Kids and Sun: It's Hot Out There!

2008-07-10T05:24:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were a kid? No sunscreen, no t-shirts, no sunglasses, no worries. Remember your first sunburn? Chances are you were in pain and with little else in the way of information on the subject, you were liberally applied with a solid white coating of Noxema and more or less told to "walk it off".

But now they tell us that those kinds of burns, the ones that don't blister, that cause pain and redness that can last for hours, even days, are the ones that cause the most damage later in life. These first-degree burns were common place in the days of my youth and they all seem to lead towards a playground filled with nut-brown children by the end of summer.

I have even heard that the sun is different. although my scientifically minded husband tells me that the sun is the same, it is the sun's ability to get to us through some sort of diminished atmosphere is the real problem. That leaves your child facing a summer sun that might just be akin to life under a magnifying glass. You burn faster and quicker than ever before - so do your kids.

According to keepkidshealthy.com, there are ways to treat that sunburn, if for some reason your failed to apply enough sunscreen or worse, failed to re-apply it (more on that further along). They suggest: "The main treatment of a sunburns involves control of pain and includes use of an acetaminophen or ibuprofen containing product for a few days. You can also use moisturizers and a 1 percent hydrocortisone cream three times a day, cool baths or wet compresses, and drinking lots of fluids. If peeling occurs you can continue to apply a moisturizer until the skin heals."

Turns out, that in the quest to keep your kids safe from the sun, clothing is not enough. Most summer time attire has a SPF rating well below 10. That means that you need to do several things in addition to just covering them up.

Keep them inside. As much as we want our children to exercise, and we all know the allure of video games and television, the hours between 10am and 4pm are the worst in terms of exposure.

Even if it is cloudy, apply sunscreen and slather it on. Even children without sensitive skin (those born with genes that might be less Scandinavian and more Mediterranean) need to apply protection. That sunscreen should contain zinc oxide or titanium dioxide.

And as if that isn't enough, most insect repellents counteract the sunscreen you apply. You should probably be shopping for a combination rather than two separate products to protect your kids.

Choose a sunscreen with the highest SPF rating possible. Skin cancer is serious business and won't actually surface in your kids until they are adults.

Put it on liberally and 30-40 minutes before they are going out. If you are taking your child to pre-school or daycare, supply the sunscreen with their name on it.

And lastly, sunglasses. Sheryl Berman, M.D., a medical officer in the FDA's Division of Ophthalmic and Ear, Nose, and Throat Devices, says that wearing sunglasses reduces the risk of eye damage due to sun exposure, but doesn't completely eliminate it.

"Even when we talk about 100 percent UV protection, light still enters from the sides of sunglasses and can be reflected into the eye," she says. Some people choose sunglasses that wrap all the way around the temples. A hat with a three-inch brim can help block sunlight that comes in from overhead. Be sure to choose sunglasses with polycarbonate lenses which are generally recommended for children because they are the most shatter-resistant.

Keep in mind that the only medical claim manufacturers are allowed to make on sunglasses is that they may reduce eye strain or eye fatigue due to glare.

Food and Kids: Smarter Shopping

2008-07-07T05:05:00.000-07:00

Your children are under attack. Each day they are faced with a barrage of food suggestions in too many locations to list.
From television to movies to games and simply helping you shop for groceries, your pre-school aged children's diet is under attack. In the last of our five posts on diet, topics that will improve your child's learning abilities, we look at how you shop.

There is a great deal of price inflation taking place in the produce department. This is, without a doubt, on of the most costly sections in the store. Staples, such as potatoes and onions have risen in cost almost 100% over the previous year. Now, what was once a regular price is now the advertised price. Start here with your shopping list.

Organic has become the watchword for good health. And if you think the regular fruits and veggies have gotten expensive, wait until you make the decision to buy food grown in sustainable environments. (As I mentioned in a previous post, avoid big box stores and their attempt at organic even if it seems less expensive.)

But be careful if you choose to buy other than organic.
There is a full list of 43 Fruits & Veggies was developed by analysts at the not-for-profit Environmental Working Group (EWG) based on the results of nearly 43,000 tests for pesticides on produce collected by the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration between 2000 and 2005. Peaches were the worst. Onions were the best (in terms of pesticide content).

Avoid processed foods (or food primarily sold in the center of the store). Soon as a food gets a manufacturer'label, you can bet on elevated levels of something - usually salts, oils, or fats. Rememebr, no fats listed on the label means trace fats can actually be there (less the 0.5 grams of trans fat is zero trans fat).

Whole wheat does not mean whole grain.

And lastly, do not allow these low nutrition items in the house. Most kids will know how to get these things if they are smart and will ask at your weakest moment. If they are not at home, they cannot be consumed.

Here are some simple tips.

Shop with a list - coupons are not usually printed for the items listed above.

Use farmer's markets where possible.

Take the time to make good food. (I know it is difficult, but food is a priority, not an afterthought.)

Help your children understand the importance of a good meal with family, healthy snacking, and exercise.

Food for Learning: Allergies and the Hard Facts

2008-06-26T17:33:00.000-07:00

A food allergy with a child usually focuses on one or two foods. But what are they? According to AHealthyMe, "Some bodies -- especially young ones -- react to certain foods as they would to dangerous intruders. Their immune systems unleash a barrage of chemicals against proteins in these foods, causing the misery known as an allergic reaction. If you or your spouse has ever suffered from a food allergy, there's a good chance your child will too. About 6 percent of children under age three and 2 percent of older kids have allergies of this kind."

Fortunately. most pre-school teachers are certified to handle emergencies - and if yours isn't, ask why. But often, allergic reactions can be confused with other symptoms and if ignored can become severe. Here are some important tips.

The Hard Facts:
Severe Food Allergies Can Be Life-Threatening

Allergy Alert:
Mild Symptoms Can Become More Severe

Initially mild symptoms that occur after ingesting a food allergen are not always a measure of mild severity. In fact, if not treated promptly, these symptoms can become more serious in a very short amount of time, and could lead to anaphylaxis. See The Hard Facts at left.

Following ingestion of a food allergen(s), a person with food allergies can experience a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis.

This can lead to:

constricted airways in the lungs
severe lowering of blood pressure and shock ("anaphylactic shock")
suffocation by swelling of the throat

Each year in the U.S., it is estimated that anaphylaxis to food results in:

30,000 emergency room visits
2,000 hospitalizations
150 deaths

How to Order Print Copies of this Information:

Printed versions of this flyer is available from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition (CFSAN) by calling 1-888-SAFEFOOD or by sending an email request, including name address and phone number, to OCO2@cfsan.fda.gov.

For English request "CFS 26"; for Spanish request "CFS 26S".

This information is also available in PDF (473 KB) and Spanish PDF (565 KB).

Reference:

U.S. Food and Drug Administration: Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition, February 2007

Food for Learning: Foods that Should be Better

2008-06-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, most of the following list of foods tends to be the food most loved by our children. And even more unfortunately, it is food that we find easy to prepare and serve to hungry impatient pre-schoolers. And there is one more even more unfortunate thing about the foods I am about to list: they are often disguised as healthy.

LiveScience recently listed the top foods in their research that we often mistake for healthy but find that they are something completely opposite. Although I won’t list all of them, it is important that you understand at least the basics.

Fish sticks – the fish is good, but the batter making the otherwise healthy fish more tasty is not.
Yogurt – Unless you can get your kids to eat plain, fat-free yogurt, they are mostly eating a dairy dessert.
Soup – Home made is best. There is no second best.
Russet potatoes – They are often disguised as mashed, fried, or boiled and no matter how you twist them into different forms, they completely lack taste and nutrition.
Popcorn – Unless you pop the corn in a hot air popper, you are completely missing the point.
Bread – White is the worst, followed by mass produced whole wheat, which contains sugars, salt, and softeners.
Cereal – If your kids have not seen it on TV, it is probably good for them. Make a batch of oatmeal or malt-o-meal at the beginning of the week and warm it up every day and add fruit or raisins.
Commercial organic – This may come as a surprise but if you are buying organic from Wal-Mart, it is only organic in name and not in the sustainable, healthy principles that makes organic worth the trouble to find.
Pizza – Dominos is not pizza. Buy your own dough, roll it out, top it with cheese that you pick, sauce that you make, and meat that is not processed by a national chain and you have what pizza was originally intended to be.

Sure, it takes a few additional minutes but your kids will be better for it and you will – save money.

Food for Learning: Your Kids and Carbs

2008-06-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

The simple fact is: your kids need the energy that carbs provide and should consume about 50-60% of their calorie intact in carbs over the course of a day.

A harder fact to understand: not all carbohydrates are created equally. A good rule of thumb however in distinguishing between good carbs and bad carbs is accessibility, portability and cost. Generally the foods that are the easiest to consume on-the-go, cost the least and can be found in the "center-of-the-grocery-store" are the highest in carbs found from sugars.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Carbs comes as simple sugars and starches. Simple sugars, such as the kind found in fruits are often referred to as simple carbohydrates, easy to consume and absorb into the body. The complex carbohydrate, starch comes from the families of whole grains, breads, cereal, rice and starchy vegetables.

These complex carbs all have certain characteristics. They all are broken down more slowly in the body. Because there is more to break down in such foods as whole grains, the carbohydrates enter the body slower, and that means is easier for your body to regulate them.

Because complex carbs are often high in fiber, the child will have fewer tendencies to over eat. And last but surely not least, complex carbs are packed with other vitamins and minerals. In addition to fiber, whole grains contain more essential fatty acids, vitamin E, magnesium, and zinc than their processed equivalents. All of these reasons are equally good for adults as well and if you noticed from the first in this series on food and learning, it is how you shape your child’s eating habits by example that begins the good eating habit process.

Just as Kidshealth recommends, the best way to achieve fitness through food is to:

Pre-school Parenting and Those Adorable Chubby Cheeks

2008-06-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

In the second of five posts on this subject, we look at those chubby-cheeked children, who, may or may not be overweight – which as many of you already know, is the last step before obesity.

Over the three years that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention tracked, children ages 2-5 showed an increase in obesity, rising on average about 12%. Compared to 1980, those numbers are alarming.

Parents are increasingly dismissive when their pediatrician mentions the possibility that their child might be in the last several percentiles. (The medical profession use a body mass index to measure your child’s overall ranking as compared to other children of similar height and age, suggesting that those who are listed as above the 95th percentile are overweight.)

According to the CDC BMI or body mass index is defined as “a number calculated from a child’s weight and height. BMI is a reliable indicator of body fatness for most children and teens. BMI does not measure body fat directly, but research has shown that BMI correlates to direct measures of body fat, such as underwater weighing and dual energy x-ray absorptiometry (DXA). BMI can be considered an alternative for direct measures of body fat. Additionally, BMI is an inexpensive and easy-to-perform method of screening for weight categories that may lead to health problems.”

The site clarifies the measurement “For children and teens, BMI is age- and sex-specific and is often referred to as BMI-for-age.”
Here are some simple tips to guide you and your daycare provider in helping a child overcome this potential problem.

Stop! Offering your child alternative foods when they refuse to eat what you have given them sends the wrong signals.

Go!

Stop! Don’t give up. Eating shouldn’t be a battle.

Go!

Stop! This is as much your problem as the child’s.

Go!

Stop! Limit the screen time.

Go!

Stop! Make it permanent and make it a family effort.

Go!

Even children who appear healthy and active can be developing problems with a diet too high in fat. Although children need more fat than their adult counterparts, it should be gained form healthy foods, not from the drive-up window at McDonalds.

Weight Status Category	Percentile Range
Underweight	Less than the 5^th percentile
Healthy weight	5^th percentile to less than the 85^th percentile
At risk of overweight	85^th to less than the 95^th percentile
Overweight	Equal to or greater than the 95^th percentile

Food for Learning: How Parents teach their Children to Eat

2008-06-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

Over the next five posts, we are going to focus on the subject of food.

Once the child reaches daycare/pre-school, her or his habits have begun to take shape. They have already started to make food choices, engaged in doing what they see other doing (modeling), been exposed to familiar foods, created opinions, witnessed some swings in parenting style, and quite possibly begun to make decisions about what foods they like and don’t like.

I am often struck by the long list of items that a child will or will not eat at the tender age of eighteen to twenty-four months. Once they get here (or just about any good pre-school or daycare situation) they will be often be sitting in front of a plate of nutritious food. Numerous daycares take advantage of government programs that offer some reimbursement for this very important function (although in my experience it is more of a subsidy than a straight across, dollar for purchased grocery exchange leaving some of the pass-down cost to fall over into the tuition).

In these sort of programs, regular menus are recorded not only for the parents to review (and a good provider will offer these menus at the end of each day) but for the regular, often as much as four times annually, inspections. How your child eats at this point has little to do with what she or he likes. Many providers will attempt to make the food as attractive to the child as possible but if the child is unfamiliar with these types of food, they may balk at eating them.

This is where you, the parent come in. How your child progresses through the food pyramid, yes that good ole breads on the bottom, lots of servings a day to the sparsely inhabited sweets, fats and oils that tops the heart healthy, good-for the bones Food Guide.

Here are four easy steps to getting your child’s diet for the world that cares about what they eat.

nutritional options.

home prep in

Applying for Daycare: What I Look for in Parents

2008-06-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

As Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton, British politician, poet, critic and prolific novelist, 1803-1873 once said, “There is nothing so agonizing to the fine skin of vanity as the application of a rough truth.” To often, that vanity applies itself through the rose-colored world we see our children in. And while it is a noble and excusably parental right to believe that your children are, for all intents and purposes, the newly born saviors of the world – at least some day, the harsh realities often take a big bite out of that fantasy.

Consider your application to Daycare/pre-school. The process of applying often follows a search, which unfortunately can be mind-numbingly repetitive. Mt peer group often uses the premise of daycare as an easy way to make money. These are the babysitters, so to speak, the ones who will do drop-in, allow the children numerous hours of television viewing and for the most part, endless hours of play.

But you want more for your children – if you can afford it and you look for some education – albeit flexible – and some structure. And when you find it, you feel as though the long quest has ended. Your child will now be amongst those who will exceed expectations. But the search has left you with a problem. Is your child the right age, the right temperament, and more importantly, and this may come as a surprise, are you the right parents?

Every kid possesses a certain innocence for the world around him or her. As parents, you feel as though it is your obligation to shape that world. To do that, you need not only firm control over who you are, but control over that world. You are often unwilling to compromise those principles and will encourage the world to bend to your specific needs.

And often, this places you and your child in a sort of self-styled religious bubble. And it might be religion that puts you there but just as often, it is your lifestyle that gets in the way of making concessions to this wildly diverse world around you.

Over the years, I have had a few families that professed veganism. This movement has created numerous lines in what would have been an otherwise civil society. These people have a solid belief in what they eat, how they live, and how they perceive the world to be. Because they are not conforming to the world around them, they are forced to find people who aspire to the same type of lifestyle. Hence the bubble.

As adults, you can fluidly move from a situation that disagrees with your philosophy to one that accepts what you believe. But one day, your child will sit next to someone eating a bologna sandwich and wonder why they can’t eat meat. You can walk away from those omnivorous beasts but your child, as children often do, will wonder why can’t they have a meal with meat.

For parents looking to apply for a daycare/pre-school situation, there are three things you must keep in mind:

Your daycare/pre-school provider is a default parent for your child often for the better part of fifty hours over a given week. I will influence them, teach them and nurture them. I will not be you, espouse your views of the world, or conform to what you believe in. Sure, I’ll give them special diet needs (organic milk or soy milk for instance) and I will keep them from some entertainment influences. But I can’t enforce your lifestyle on other parents nor will I attempt to on your behalf.

It may seem like you are interviewing me but in fact, I am looking at you as a client that may or may not want to work for you.

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines

2008-06-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

Some children who attend a daycare or pre-school encounter their first group situation. They may have been to parties or social events, but the steady atmosphere of such places as daycares and pre-schools in young person’s life beg the question to be asked: are vaccinations necessary?

This is a hot button topic and I only want to add my perspective not my recommendation – although I am required by the state of Oregon to ask what your preference is – do you or don’t you and require you provide proof. (the form and information on exemptions is found at a link at the bottom of the page).

The actual law states: “Shots are required by law for children in attendance at public and private schools, preschools, childcare facilities, and Head Start programs in Oregon. Nearly every place that provided care for a child outside the home requires shots or a religious or medical exemption to stay enrolled.”

By the time these children reach school and eventually college age, these vaccines and numerous others will be required. But the concern continues. Because some believe in herd protection – when a large number of people are vaccinated, those that are not are by default, protected – the child who does not receive the required vaccines runs a risk should the general populace be exposed.

Jonathan D. Rockoff of the Baltimore Sun recently wrote: "FDA officials said that the agency has been monitoring reports of vaccine side effects with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and that it inspects vaccine manufacturing plants at least every two years, all the while reviewing new research that might shed light on the causes of autism and the workings of the shots.”

Dr. Peter L. Goodman, the director of the Food and Drug Administration's vaccines division is quoted in the article as saying, “I don't believe there is evidence that links vaccines to autism, but I do believe these are concerns we need to take seriously."

With the supposed but still lack of conclusive proof of links to autism, “FDA Commissioner Andrew C. von Eschenbach said the agency plans to connect the latest discoveries about the causes of autism with new understanding about the workings of vaccines and genetics to probe for hidden links.”

According to the National Vaccine Program Office, immunization requirements vary from state to state but once the child reaches school age, those exemptions are only for specific reasons.

The NVPO information states: “The requirements for documentation of medical, religious, or philosophical exemptions vary.

“In some states, parents with philosophical exemptions may apply for an exemption for their child or children from the state's immunization requirements for school entry.

“Parents should be aware that withholding vaccinations leaves their child vulnerable to vaccine-preventable diseases in the event of an outbreak. As a matter of personal health, children without immunizations should remain home during outbreaks of the diseases for which they have not received vaccination. Also, as a matter of responsibility to the community, unvaccinated children should be kept at home if there is an outbreak of a vaccine-preventable disease within the family. Such illnesses should be reported to the pediatrician or family physician.

“If you are considering a philosophical or religious exemption for your child, you should be aware that outbreaks tend to occur in waves: One group becomes ill; a second group becomes ill within a week or two, and so on. This means that the time an unvaccinated child must miss school can run into months.”

Such quarantine procedures were standard before vaccines made the general populace safe from outbreaks.

Additional Reading:

CRS Report for Congress – “Mandatory Vaccinations: Precedent and Current Laws”

Information about Oregon's Religious Exemption

State Mandates on Immunization and Vaccine-Preventable Diseases

Your Child's Play

2008-06-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

This topic doesn't surface often but when it does, parents and pre-school educators often find themselves in two different camps. Presenting a child with a new toy, one that provides them with what you would consider a thoughtful experience, often finds you wanting to teach the child how to play with the toy. Should you?

Probably not. Think about Christmas morning when your pre-schooler seems more interested in the box the gift came in rather than the toy "Santa" brought that will teach them calculus in a fun way! There is a reason for this.

According to FamilyEducation.com, "Play can help children develop the knowledge they need to connect in meaningful ways to the challenges they encounter in school. Play also contributes to how children view themselves as learners."

While it is important to teach a child how to play a piano or chess or instruct them on the rules of soccer, teaching a child "how to play" with that new cognitive toy designed to help them do-something-or-other later in life is robbing them of the learning experience.

Playtime has changed over the years. Television was allowed to intervene in this otherwise inventive time in a child's life. And your patience, the cost of the toy and where you believe your child should be on the learning curve has also changed. Children by nature are imitators but that doesn't mean they will play by example.

Don't be frustrated with how your child plays or with what. Instead, take a moment a remember how you played for hourson end with little or no "products designed to enlighten and teach".

To help, it will pay to keep these three simple rules in mind.

First: Buy the age appropriate toy for your child. Little Johnny is only three. Don't give him toys designed for a child aged five to eight in the hope that your little progeny will play-up.

Second: Give them time to play. Allow them the opportunity to have that epiphany. Give them the opportunity to have one of those, "oh, that's what this toy does" even if they can't actually vocalize it. This doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a gentle push in the right direction but too often, we want them to grasp the meaning right away.

Third: Allow them to invent. It generally worked for you as a child, playing with dolls or climbing tree to look for pirates on the horizon. Puzzles may need a little bit of intervention but not too much. Showing them how to get started is okay. Doing it for them is not.

The most difficult thing you will have to do is redirect your child away from some of the more violent media influences they may have encountered.

Another look at Glitter

2008-06-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

Dear parents,

Tom Coffee, father, humorist and blog author at SpilledCoffee.com offered his take on pre-school art projects in a recent post. Addressed to caregivers in general (kudos for not referring to this profession as babysitters) and their often over-liberal use of glitter, almost to the point of calling these tiny artists pint-sized glitterati, his post suggested that we either back-off or better yet, stop with the use of these colorful metallic shreds.

To this, I offer your caregiver and Mr. Coffee several insights on what exactly this "overuse" of glitter offers.

Memories

There will be a time in the near future, when that precious cherub of yours will be in their teens, exhibiting typical or atypical teen-type behavior.

It is then, at the most unexpected turn, you will find some piece of this pre-school glitter, tucked under a sofa cushion, at the bottom of a closet, or attached to a piece of clothing you haul from the back of your dresser where you unwittingly stored some father' day project for safe keeping.

Your breath will hitch and a tear will form at the corner of your eye.

And you will wish you had found a display case to store those early-year treasures. And then you will think of me.

Career advancement

Those bright shiny objects teaches your child to see all of the distractions that adult life presents to us each day. We face our own glitter problems each day as we trudge off to work, hoping to draw attention to our work in the hopes of advancement. These pre-school art projects will be training for those days ahead when we will wish we could smear a report with glitter and glue in the dire hope that we get noticed among the masses.

Messages from our planet to...

It may also be training for that day when your child rebels and decides to go into a career of car upholstery, serving the masses of people who wish to trick out their autos even if they can no longer afford to drive them.

Imagine how they will shine from outer space when we (them) turn our (their) cameras on the earth from some far off distant planet.

Enjoy the glitter while you have the chance. And really, you have to admit that the dog probably needed the highlights!

PreSchool Parenting

Flyover Preschool

The Daycare Go-around

Anxiety Tolerance

A Genius in the Making

What to do with $450

My Specialty

The Cost of Child Care

How we play?

Peanuts for a Peanut Allergy?

Your Child's Break

PreSchool Parenting: Strict Parenting is Consistent Parenting

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines: Fomites and Kindergarten

Potty Training: The Tips that come from Experience

Kids and Sign Language

PreSchool Parenting: Make Mine Dirt

PreSchool Parenting: It's Chilly Outside

Pre-School Parenting: Biology, Behavior, and your Kid's Brain

Asthma, Kids and the Daycare Setting

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines: What is Measles?

Kids and Disaster Planning

The Importance of Gathering

Follow the Leader

Kids and Tradition

Kids and Bullying

Kids and the Dark Side of (Aggressive) Behavior

Kids and Nature

Kids and Bad Language - Seven More Words You can't say in Pre-school

Kids and Sun: It's Hot Out There!

Food and Kids: Smarter Shopping

Food for Learning: Allergies and the Hard Facts

The Hard Facts: Severe Food Allergies Can Be Life-Threatening

Allergy Alert:Mild Symptoms Can Become More Severe

How to Order Print Copies of this Information:

Reference:

Food for Learning: Foods that Should be Better

Food for Learning: Your Kids and Carbs

Pre-school Parenting and Those Adorable Chubby Cheeks

Food for Learning: How Parents teach their Children to Eat

Applying for Daycare: What I Look for in Parents

Pre-School and Daycare Vaccines

Your Child's Play

Another look at Glitter

The Hard Facts:
Severe Food Allergies Can Be Life-Threatening

Allergy Alert:
Mild Symptoms Can Become More Severe